Category Archives: Marriage

Scored

Emotions, Grateful, Inspiration, Joy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Spiritual, , , , , ,

Today God has so kindly allowed me to experience more fully what it is like to LOVE my family, instead of seeking my own good. I totally suspect God did it. I know he did.

I was sitting at the table playing a game with my husband and son. I was frustrated with the noise of the younger kids, irritated by my husband’s drumming fingers and my son’s exasperated noises. I felt like I didn’t want to be with them. And then I remembered how I had been choosing love with my husband, especially in moments where I was NOT inspired. And so I decided to choose love at the table in this moment. I started thinking, what would they want right now? I decided to play quietly, to speak kindly. It was like a gentle battle, of going back to my selfish ways, then choosing love. God made it easy for me.

Then at the end of the game, which I have played hundreds of times with different people over the course of my 42 year life, something happened that had NEVER happened before. The three of us ended up with identical scores – 195 each. We were all in disbelief. My husband took a photo and texted it to my dad, who also loves the game.

Afterwards I felt that the scores were a sign. A sign related to my choosing love. By choosing love, the three of us ended up level, equal. By choosing love, I did’t stand above in pride or judgment. We ended up all winning.

As I came upstairs and sat at my desk I was full of joy. Light, refreshing joy (not happiness). It just flowed through me, effortless.

I am so grateful to God for this experience. I long to remember to live this everyday. I know I need to practice it. New things take time to learn. And I know God will continue to give me the grace to learn this. He knows how much I long to live fully from love, not self ambition.

Truth, Lies and Anxiety

Anxiety, Emotions, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Marriage, Mental health, Peace, Social Issues, Spiritual, , , , , , , ,

question-mark-2I have a theory. Does this resonate with you?

When people lie to us, and we have no evidence that they are lying, we have two different responses from two parts of our being. Our mind listens to what is being said, and finding no evidence to the contrary, agrees with the lie. But our spirit senses the lie at a spiritual level and is grieved. Whether our spiritual awareness is small or great, an incongruence now exists between our mind and spirit. Our spirit and mind are not resonating in unity and this creates discomfort in the emotional realm. Anxiety and mistrust are the result. We don’t understand any of this in our mind, but it happens anyway – the fruit of experiencing an unknown lie.

Think of the spouse who is betrayed by infidelity. They don’t know, but they do know. Anxiety, mistrust and turmoil grows. Or the boss who fires an employee, but gives a soft reason instead of the real reason. The employee’s mind is relieved, but the spirit knows otherwise. Anxiety results.

The solution to this angst is truth.

But for many, this is a problematic solution. Truth is often deemed too painful and therefore must be disguised or hidden. But if my above theory is true, then lies do greater damage in the long run, as they destroy inner peace. The best solution may be speaking the truth (with love, not hate). Truth accepted by the mind creates a united resonance with the spirit, and our emotions are therefore more at peace. And don’t we all want peace!

If this theory is true, then this has important implications for our lives not only as individuals but also as a society. For anxiety is rampant and we need to understand its causes. It begs the question – how much of our anxiety is the fruit of lies? It could be minimal, but I suspect it is enormous. For lies do not just come to us from individual relationships, but they also come from society as a whole. If the philosophy that we build our lives around is simply not true, then how much greater the anxiety and inner turmoil. We are building on sand.

As a deeply personal response, I believe that truth is found only in Jesus Christ. He is my ultimate peace. This is not theoretical for me. This is my experience on a daily basis, to greater and lesser extents, depending on the day. His truth brings me much peace. It slashes misconceptions, which may initially be painful, but also bring enormous relief.

My quest is to keep seeking God’s truth and to challenge every part of my life that does not flow with his life giving Word! “The truth shall set you free” (John 8:32).

Mumma’s Wrath

Freedom, God, Inspiration, Marriage, Parenting, Peace, Spiritual, , , , ,

IMG_1162OK this is not going to end up where you think…

I can have patience for a while with things that are out of order. When my kids do the wrong thing, they can get a gentle warning or reprimand. Then if they do it again, the intensity builds and maybe they get an annoyed telling off. Then if they do it again, well the fire heats up. And eventually, without an intervention from the interior grace department, mumma’s wrath comes to the fore!

Same thing with irritating things around the house. I can put up with the leaky tap for a while. My patience deals with it, as there are far more important things to put my attention to. I don’t want to waste time dealing with it. But it niggles. And over time it builds up. And then it gets to the point where – something’s going to happen or else!

The line has been crossed. The decision has been made. And this mumma has HAD ENOUGH!

Well. This is what I call the breakthrough the moment. The moment where change is going to happen. The moment where my will becomes very powerful.

And I apply this to the battles within my mind.

Sometimes I can have stupid thought patterns or habits that are like annoying background music. I put up with them because I am used to them. And I have far more important things to attend to. But there comes a moment – and this is gold – when I have had enough.

As an aside here – I wonder if this is why we get put through the pressure pot sometimes. Because God in his grace knows we are not going to let go of some of our junk, unless we have ‘had enough’. And he wants us to enjoy the freedom that he has on offer. So he sends some challenge our way to artfully guide us to the place of overcoming.

So back to the thought grind. Mumma bear starts growling and says to herself. I have had enough of this junk in my mind. I’m not tolerating this anymore. NO MORE! I’ve had enough.

Well I’ve done this recently with disrespect. I’ve been far too disrespectful in my attitude to my husband. I’ve been trying to change this for a long time, but I’ve just always gone back to old attitudes of thinking. And I’ve observed in my journey with God, that breakthrough doesn’t usually happen until I get to this point of ‘had enough’.

Well I’ve had enough of turmoil in our home. We have five kids, two with special needs. And we get a lot of turmoil at different times. It’s so challenging that I need to get rid of every stress that I can. So I’ve been praying for more peace. And this is what God is bringing to my attention. Respect. Ouchy ouch. Well, I decided I’ve had enough of being disrespectful, I’ve had enough of trying to change and failing. I want God’s way. And I want it to change NOW!!!

So now I’ve been turning the corner. I’ve been practising a new attitude. I’ve been practising respect. I read a short article recently about a Jew in a concentration camp who determined to respect their abusers. And I thought – well  – what excuse do I have? It’s not about whether my husband’s actions or words deserve respect, but it’s about who I am as a person inside.

Well on this path, I have to admit that it is actually bringing more peace. Not only in our marriage. But it has done something in me, so that I interact with the kids now more respectfully, which brings more peace and less turmoil, as they respond better. And the fruit of this down the track will be that the kids will be more respectful to us and each other, and this will in turn bring more peace. It’s like the opposite of a vicious cycle. Keeps getting better and better. I’m on the path now – it’s onward and upward.

What path do you need to get on? What’s it going to take to activate your will to make a stand. Enough is enough. Here’s the line. No more!

Love, Freedom, Truth

Autism, Bible, Emotions, Freedom, God, Homosexuality, Inspiration, Joy, Love, Marriage, Mental health, Microcephaly, Parenting, Social Issues, Special Needs, Spiritual, Stress, , , , , , , ,

 

Musings mum and Summer outsideThere’s so much wrestling going on in my mind. Love, freedom, truth. Over and over.

God is love. His love is SO good. It’s beyond our human experience. The Scripture oozes with examples and direct conveyances of his love. “How wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” (Ephesians 3:18); “this love that surpasses knowledge” (Ephesians 3:19); “this is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down his life for us (1 John 3:16). Etc, etc. Just google and you will find a GOLD MINE.

It hurts to know even a smidgeon of this love, and to know that so many have ABSOLUTELY no idea of the depth and the richness and the spiritually overwhelming goodness of this. It’s actually upsetting!

And the life giving Scriptures tell us that the world will know who Jesus’ disciples are by their love for one another (John 13:35).

That one upsets me too. Even though God has placed his love in our hearts, we often do a really lousy job of conveying this love. When we are in his presence it is easy. But then we can so easily slip into our old bad habits. We get cross, we get grumpy, we are not loving. SO frustrating!!!

But then we get his love dose. And when this happens, the outcome can be amazing. We can overlook the judgments, the insults, the kids’ bad behaviour, the stress. And love conquers all. It actually does. In moments like these, our soul is deepened in God’s strength. We become mighty overcomers.

I remember when my three youngest children were milling around me in the kitchen. Summer (the one with microcephaly and autism) was agitated, Sarah was whinging. They were all noisy and demanding. I felt pulled, I felt stressed. And it was after a really stressful car trip with all five kids, having to sit next to Summer and manage her behaviour full-time for about 50 minutes. I was really stretched! I felt like I was about to snap, like a war was going on inside me. And then something rose up from deep within me. Something erupted that shocked me. A groan came from my inner being and I unleashed the words, “I LOVE YOU SUMMER!” The kids looked at me shocked. And then I swiftly moved and embraced Summer and poured out love from my heart all over her. It just oozed from every pore of my being. There was such joy and freedom. And I knew this was the place that I wanted to live life every day. I had energy to move forward. I didn’t want to escape anymore. It transformed that moment for me and the kids.

If only we could live in this zone 24/7. How different life would be! I believe God gives tastes of heaven, of his goodness of his love. And then he teaches us how to live like this more and more.

And then I think of truth. God’s truth. Not the twaddle of relativism that we’ve been spoon-fed by our culture over the last few decades. I love God’s truth. It is liberating. God’s ways are the ways of freedom. If only I could shout from the city’s billboards how amazing truth is. Some luscious Scriptures come to mind… “Jesus is the way, the truth and the life” (John 14:6); “then you will know the truth and truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

But truth on its own can often come across so weakly for those who do not agree. There is so much variety of opinion in the world, that to talk about truth from the one who made it, is not received so well. And it can come across as hateful, especially when you quote verses on homosexuality, etc. It makes me sad that what is so precious and so life-giving, can seem so corrupt. And it is not!

I wrestle with how do we present this truth. I see Christians who just tell it like it is, straight as an arrow. And I see Christians who despise this approach and emphasise the need to come from love and no judgment. I look at the Scripture and I see a loving God who is straight down the line with his speech. But he oozes love 24/7 and so when it comes, it comes from a place of love.

One thing I have learnt from being married, is that skill is important to some extent. I can learn relationship skills, I can learn better ways to phrase things so that conflict goes down better. This is hard but can be worthwhile. But what is SO much more effective is when my heart is in the right place. When I ooze God’s love and I’ve been in his presence and my heart is wanting freedom for my husband as well as myself, without condemnation or judgment or unrighteous anger, THEN IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT and it doesn’t matter how I say it, because what is read is far beyond words. Maybe not all of the time. But even if it is not received, I am still free. I am not fuming. I am full of love and joy. And it is certainly a lot easier for the other person to hear.

This seems all wonderfully ideal and there is lots of truth here. But I’m not 24/7 living out Jesus. And so I wrestle, with love, truth and freedom.

One thing I will finish with. When I have spoken hard stuff to people and it’s come from my own sense of timing, it hasn’t worked very well. I’ve not seen good fruit. But when the Holy Spirit has prompted me to speak hard stuff, and even though I’m scared I do it, it’s completely different. It’s been received, not necessarily followed, but seen as love.

At the end of the day, I conclude I trust God and I want him to grow me. And I want him to direct me. Because his way works. And mine doesn’t. And I want to speak his truth with love and power. That I hunger for so much!