My story of the love of God in action in my everyday world. The fun of it. And the transforming power of it.
My story of the love of God in action in my everyday world. The fun of it. And the transforming power of it.
God gives me glimpses of things. Of what is possible. Of what it would feel like to be transformed by him in some specific way…
These glimpses have been momentary, but profound. Tastes of what is possible. So now I’m wrecked for anything less. How can you be satisfied with the ordinary when you’ve experienced freedom in a certain area?
I’ve heard countless sermons about having peace, of having love, of having humility and of eating right. But nothing has motivated me like the experience of feeling the momentary freedom of what it is actually like to live in this zone. Honestly it became real, incredible, beyond my ordinary dreams of what is possible. They say Jesus is the best. Haha he actually is. And way better than you think.
So what do the ravings of this Jesus loony amount to? How did the glimpses happen? What did they feel like? OK one at a time…
With five kids, two with special needs, the stress was extreme and had impacted my body to breakdown point. I lost my energy, like someone pulled the plug. My husband stopped work to take care of the kids while I tried to recover. After six weeks he couldn’t cope so we reached out for a DHHS package for carer support. Six months later we were operating with carers in the home 15 hours per week. My husband was back at work. But the stress didn’t disappear. And I was in a weakened state to handle it.
It got to the point, where wise advise from a close family member was to put Summer (our middle daughter with moderate intellectual disability and autism) in a home for 6-12 months so we could recover.
I was desperate. A dear saint urged me to rest in Jesus.
So I determined to try.
I sat in my lounge chair. I was too tired to pray. I just shut my eyes and sank down deep into a posture of rest. But different from normal. I imagined myself resting in Jesus. And then I remember that Jesus has no weights for me, but wants to unburden me. Then I relax deeper, with relief that I didn’t have to strive. Then I start to laugh and cry and laugh and cry. It just kept bubbling out. My friends call it craughing.
I did this on and off for three days. I would feel myself getting filled with feelings of relief, and of spiritual living water going inside my gut. Hard to imagine I know. It wasn’t long periods of time. I would get distracted, then concentrate again and do the inner posture of resting in Jesus. Trying to do this did nothing. It was when I knew Jesus was my rest, that the faith switch went on, and then the craughing would start. So good!!!
After three days, I felt peace in my gut. It felt wonderful. I can’t describe what a relief that feeling was. All I remember is always feeling uptight in my middle. But I couldn’t find any uptight feeling, even though I was looking hard for it. Just peace. And this feeling of living water.
So then the kids came home and I braced myself. No help from carers or hubby that night. How would I cope! Well the kids came in all manic, bubbling over through the door. They came near me and I watched their energy dissolve. They became settled and at peace without me saying a word. I’ll never forget that. I’ve read about that. But I actually experienced it.
That’s what I need every day. God give me that glimpse back. God help me build that as consistent reality.
Another day, I’d had a full-on hour managing Summer in the context of a car trip with all five kids, after an outing in the city where Summer refused to go back to the car. Then I got home and the three youngest ones were full-on. I felt the stress and anxiety peaking. This battle started raging inside me. I was at ‘too much’ point. My mind was telling me to go upstairs and hide and tell my husband I’d had enough. But something in my spirit was battling this. I felt it. I stayed put, feeling and watching the inner battle from outside myself. My inner spirit was wanting to overcome. It was wanting to rise above the status quo of stress overload. This almighty groan emerged from deep within me, shocking me and my kids. And I burst forward to the kids with arms outstretched and blurted out ‘I love you Summer’. And then I poured love out all over the three kids. I felt filled with immense joy and love. I was overflowing, without stress or anxiety. The situation was transformed. I was transformed. I didn’t have to rest and recuperate from stress. I was energised and inspired.
I need and want this all the time. The status quo is so ordinary. This was extraordinary.
When living in Sydney I had this moment. Totally unplanned. I felt the absence of pride. I know that sounds weird. But it was very distinct. I had an immense clarity of mind and uncluttered panoramic vision. I could see far and wide in my spirit, without cloudedness or confusion. I realised in this moment that this was the space I needed to live in, in order to make wise decisions in ministry and if I ever wanted to lead effectively in any sphere. I willed the clarity to stay. But after maybe 5-10 seconds it left and I went back to my immersion in my own personal level of pride. Which as a continual presence, becomes unnoticed and normal. But now I noticed it. This robber. This thief. This pride! How I despised it and wanted it gone. It clouded my vision. I couldn’t see very far ahead. The difference was immense. Like trying to walk in a fog.
This experience prompted me to pray on three occasions in my life for God to do whatever it would take to get rid of pride. Within a day or week after praying each of these prayers, I subsequently experienced the three most humbling, difficult and painful events/seasons of my life. One day I may share these stories. One of these was the adrenal crash I have referred to. This was the least painful.
Before praying the second time, I experienced the glimpse of the absence of pride again. It was in our ensuite in Dingley Village. In that moment I recalled the glimpse I had experienced years earlier and savoured the moment, wishing it would stay forever. That gave me the courage and motivation to pray the second time for God to get rid of any remaining pride. I wanted to live in that space. I don’t want to live in any other.
I have learned much, but I am still on the path.
God led me on a fast. I hate fasting. I get really grumpy when I don’t eat. And I can’t afford to be a grumpy mum. The demands are strenuous enough without adding that in the mix. So I decided I would fast everything except fruit and vegetables.
After one week, I felt amazing. I guess it was like a de-tox. But I was starving. I did a little complaint to the Holy Spirit about this and I felt him say to add rice. I was happy. For the next two weeks I had rice and fruit and vegetables. I felt full and I felt great. Then in the last week unexpectedly I felt him say to add meat, then a few days later to add eggs, then on the last day to add cheese.
My body felt clean on the inside. It felt refreshed. My mind felt clear and uncluttered. I felt alive in my body.
The day after I finished the fast, I concluded that God never let me eat flour or sugar.
I decided I would like to continue eating like this.
I failed and went back to my old ways. But I never forgot how good I felt and have wanted it ever since.
Last year I gave up flour (mostly) and made it a lifestyle. It’s now normal for me. Then in November I watched ‘That Sugar Film’ and that gave me the impetus to drop sugar. I went cold turkey and I don’t want to go back. I love being sugar free. My emotions are lighter. No depressed feelings. My head is less clouded. No cravings.
Big wins dropping flour and sugar. But I still need to have a higher proportion of vegetables, to experience the reality of the earlier fast where God taught me how to eat. Isn’t he smart. He knows my body better than any doctor. And he knows yours too. We are all different.
So I’m not fully there yet, but I’m on the path. I’m seeing change. I’m building one step at a time. And the glimpse is becoming a reality.
Conclusion
So just recently I had this awesome thought. God has given me glimpses of magnificence spiritual transformations – peace, love and absence of pride. Maybe, just maybe, these also can become my everyday reality, rather than one-off tantalising experiences.
If I follow the logic of the food experience, then it is just a matter of taking small steps every day, in order to build a lifestyle, which then becomes my everyday experience. I can do this!
So I’m starting with the peace in the gut. I’m practicing this every day – 20 minutes X 3. This is doable. I already have 20 X 3 as my normal rest routine, which I have been practicing for years. Now I just add Jesus to the rest in this same routine.
I’m going to win. I’m going to overcome. God has shown me how. And I just have to decide to do it – and I have – and then do the hard yards – and I am.
I’m going to be the peace queen. Not a pride statement here haha. Just a joy statement. Hehehehehehe. The peace queen!
And then wait until I become the love lady.
And then – wow – the absence of pride. I don’t know to walk that journey yet. I’m praying God builds humility more and more. He can do it. He can. He can. He doesn’t give glimpses for nothing.
It’s awesome walking with Jesus. He knows the path. And his path is brilliant and full of surprises that are out of this world. He gives glimpses to keep us going.
What glimpses does he have for you? What is he wanting to build in you? What has he done already?
Love to all
There is not a day that goes past that I don’t feel a sigh of relief, looking at the epitome of tolerance – Rupert – Summer’s doggy best friend.
This dog is a gem I tell you. Everyday he gets head-locked by Summer and held at ransom for long periods of time. He just takes it. He lies still while Summer rubs her face in his fur, strokes his ears, pulls his tail, squeezes his middle, leans all over him. He gets a lot of loving. And if Rupert tries to leave, Summer grabs his collar or his leg and bosses him back into position. She is strong. Rupert is very strong too. But Summer has managed to work out how to keep him.
That alone earns Rupert his keep every single day. And it happens multiple times every day. It’s very comforting for me as a mum to see this. Sometimes Summer just needs some time to re-focus, re-energise and have space from others. Rupert is a safe place for her. He is a walking, breathing therapy tool. In those moments where she is with Rupert, she is not melting down from overload, she is not getting agitated by noise or movement. She is in a happy place.
We often deliberately bring Rupert for car trips, as she loves to hug him. This makes the car trip peaceful, except for occasional demands for me to join in the hug fest while driving. It can also get problematic if Sarah is in the car, and Summer pulls Rupert to herself. Sarah knows how to express her mind and boy does she do that!
Rupert is an awesome blessing to the whole family. Stress relief and fun for everyone. Josiah loves having him sleep in his room overnight. (Summer can’t have him, as we can’t trust her unsupervised with him for that length of time. She might pull his ears and hurt him). Micah can’t decide whether he loves me more or Rupert more. He thinks he might love Rupert more. Rupert is always coming up to me and laying his head on my feet or jumping on the bed to lie next to me. (Yes we gave up the ideal of no dogs on couches or beds, after the trainer told us it was good for autistic kids to have the dog next to them on the couch etc. So I get an extra cleaning job now – vacuuming the couch of all the dog hairs!!!) Sarah can spend ages with Rupert, even sitting on him while on the iPad. Kiara and Kristin love him too.
Rupert is a great excuse to get out of the house and in the fresh air and sunshine, as he lives to chase the ball. I take him for a ball throw in the mornings. And Josiah often takes him out too.
Rupert brings down the anxiety in the home just by his presence. We noticed this considerably in the month after we first got him. The first six months was a huge blessing but Rupert was also testing boundaries. Now he has settled down beautifully and I think he has accepted that we are his forever family. He likes us, especially me for some reason. Many of us when tired or upset have been known to give Rupert a hug and cry on his doggy shoulder.
He also seems to be quite protective of Summer. If Kristin is fooling around loudly and actively with the girls, Rupert starts barking at him. Same if I give the girls a smack. He doesn’t like it and barks. I feel chastised!
I feel grateful every day for him. He can’t eliminate all our problems. But he has provided massive assistance. More so than any other strategy.
I’m reminded again of all the many individuals and groups who helped make Rupert happen for our family, especially my dad and Heatherton Christian College.
I would like to add too, that Rupert is extra special because not only has he been specially trained as a companion dog by ‘Dogs For Kids With Disabilities’, but he is the only dog that was able to be successfully matched with Rupert in the three or four years that we were waiting. All the other dogs that we met along the journey were also very high quality. And many of them from special breeders, that breed particularly to achieve the perfect characteristics for assisting disabled people. But Rupert was the right match for Summer.
We are SO blessed!
Today I got asked to collect some responses from three of our kids (Kiara – nearly 14, Josiah age 12, Micah age 6), regarding life with Summer (and I included Sarah too). There was the expected negative response at the start and also some precious gem statements later. Here’s the unedited version…
You have an amazing hidden ability. You might not be aware of this yet, but you have a sixth sense. What is it? Are you using it? Have you thought about its possibilities?
Your sixth sense is the ability to sense the atmosphere…
on TWO levels…
the emotional atmosphere and the spiritual atmosphere (better than sex, more later).
Everybody has this ability. But not everybody pays attention to it. And it is attention that hones your ability.
The Emotional Atmosphere
Have you ever walked into a room and immediately noticed tension? You don’t know what happened, but you know something is really off! Perhaps there was a heated argument. Perhaps the people in the room are just seething with unspoken anger. It feels very different to walking into a room where people are happy or excited!
Part of our mood awareness comes from visual cues, such as the expression on people’s faces and their body posture. But our perception goes beyond this. I put it to you, that even with a blindfold on, many of you would still sense mood, if the emotions were pronounced enough.
Some people are better atmosphere perceivers than others. That comes down to natural ability and how much you have developed the skill. That’s like anything in life. Some people are naturally very gifted at music, for example, but everyone can still develop a degree of skill, and hone it with practice.
For some of you, the ability to sense the emotional atmosphere may be virtually non-existent. Perhaps you grew up in a household where this wasn’t valued or acknowledged, so you never paid attention to what you were sensing. Perhaps you disregard your perceptions, as they are subjective, they cannot be measured scientifically like vision or hearing, etc.
I agree that our sixth sense is subjective. Accuracy in diagnosing emotional mood isn’t always precise – but with practice and skill, reliability can increase. This sense shouldn’t be discounted – it should be cultivated and respectfully judged. It has enormous usefulness in both one-on-one interactions and groups environments, on a personal level, work level and societal level.
So far, what I have described is a common experience for many. But there is another level of atmosphere sensing that is completely different. It is SPIRITUAL. The difference is not understood until it is experienced, like trying to imagine colour, when you see in black and white.
Let me share my experience…
Sensing Spiritual Atmosphere
Our church has a lively worship time in the service. A band and songs, like those sung by Hillsong. This creates a certain atmosphere which is awesome. But this is NOT what I’m talking about. I can sing along, I can dance, I can lift my hands and enjoy the atmosphere. But again, this is NOT what I’m talking about.
Sometimes during the worship time, all of a sudden, sometimes unexpectedly, I sense the presence of God. THIS is what I’m talking about!!!
How do I describe this?
It’s weighty.
It’s like a charged atmosphere, except that it contains LIFE.
And this is a big difference. Let me repeat – it has LIFE. This life is the presence of a being… a person… of God himself.
In this moment I can experience a lot of emotions – awe, a sense of being washed over, of being cleansed, an awareness of the goodness and purity of God. I don’t want to be anywhere else. I never want the moment to end. I cling to God in this moment. I revel in who he is. I partake of him. Sometimes I erupt in laughter, sometimes in crying, sometimes a mixture of both. I feel like rivers of living water are flowing in my being. This is glorious peoples. Nothing can compare to this.
And oh to worship him. To lift him up. With every part of my being in complete agreement. There is a rightness. A peace. An inner YES that screams out and becomes louder than any negativity or cloud. It is my place of rest. I’ve found my tribe. I’ve found my home.
And other people who’ve experienced God say the same thing. I hear their description and I go YEP – you’ve met the Father! You’ve met Jesus.
And I don’t just experience this at church. When I connect with God at home… anywhere… the more time I spend with him, the more I experience his presence. It doesn’t happen all the time, but over the years, as I have been pursuing God more, this has been increasing.
Please excuse me for this next comparison, but I want to emphasise how awesome experiencing God is. It is better than sex. It is better than great sex. It is better than ultimate fulfilment sex. Sex brings physical pleasure and the ecstasy of emotionally blurring with another, going to a heightened state of being. It is amazing. But being in the presence of God is more amazing and more fulfilling.
Experiencing a taste of who God is and his life, is what our whole being longs for. We understand our sex drive and the fulfilment this can bring, particularly when in a healthy relationship. But many of us don’t understand our drive for God. He is our ultimate source of fulfilment. Every core of our being becomes alive and energised in an encounter with him. He is transforming!
I can’t emphasise enough how knowing God is not just intellectual or emotional. It is also deeply spiritual. And this spiritual experience is tangible and available for everyone!
God wants to reveal himself to us. Why don’t you ask him to. He’s waiting… with love and forgiveness like an ocean.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).
I love this girl to bits. I’m proud of her. But today was hard. Actually it was awesome and then it was really hard. I’m going to debrief here on my blog…
I have a theory. Does this resonate with you?
When people lie to us, and we have no evidence that they are lying, we have two different responses from two parts of our being. Our mind listens to what is being said, and finding no evidence to the contrary, agrees with the lie. But our spirit senses the lie at a spiritual level and is grieved. Whether our spiritual awareness is small or great, an incongruence now exists between our mind and spirit. Our spirit and mind are not resonating in unity and this creates discomfort in the emotional realm. Anxiety and mistrust are the result. We don’t understand any of this in our mind, but it happens anyway – the fruit of experiencing an unknown lie.
Think of the spouse who is betrayed by infidelity. They don’t know, but they do know. Anxiety, mistrust and turmoil grows. Or the boss who fires an employee, but gives a soft reason instead of the real reason. The employee’s mind is relieved, but the spirit knows otherwise. Anxiety results.
The solution to this angst is truth.
But for many, this is a problematic solution. Truth is often deemed too painful and therefore must be disguised or hidden. But if my above theory is true, then lies do greater damage in the long run, as they destroy inner peace. The best solution may be speaking the truth (with love, not hate). Truth accepted by the mind creates a united resonance with the spirit, and our emotions are therefore more at peace. And don’t we all want peace!
If this theory is true, then this has important implications for our lives not only as individuals but also as a society. For anxiety is rampant and we need to understand its causes. It begs the question – how much of our anxiety is the fruit of lies? It could be minimal, but I suspect it is enormous. For lies do not just come to us from individual relationships, but they also come from society as a whole. If the philosophy that we build our lives around is simply not true, then how much greater the anxiety and inner turmoil. We are building on sand.
As a deeply personal response, I believe that truth is found only in Jesus Christ. He is my ultimate peace. This is not theoretical for me. This is my experience on a daily basis, to greater and lesser extents, depending on the day. His truth brings me much peace. It slashes misconceptions, which may initially be painful, but also bring enormous relief.
My quest is to keep seeking God’s truth and to challenge every part of my life that does not flow with his life giving Word! “The truth shall set you free” (John 8:32).
Just got home from watching this movie. I LOVED IT! Way more than I thought I would. My husband and I were part of Hillsong Church for five years and had our first two kids there. So I wanted to see the movie and maybe feel a bit nostalgic and maybe enjoy seeing God glorified in a secular movie theatre. But it was way more than that. OK the movie was very well done. I expected that from Hollywood. It was surprisingly positive in its presentation of Hillsong and the United band. It was surprisingly generous in the display of the hope side of the Christian message. Normally there is a lot of cynicism about Hillsong out in the world and parts of the church. But this wasn’t there. The behind the scenes look in to the band members personal lives was fantastic. It portrayed them as real people, not celebrities. I loved that it was clearly not about their egos, but about their desire to promote Jesus and allow people to connect with him. There were so many awesome moments in the movie – seeing people all around the world, singing ‘Saviour, He can move the mountains’. That was so well done – WOW was all I could say!! And then it just kept going on – I kept having all these moments with God – laughing and crying in his presence. Gobsmacked at what God had done with these ordinary people and how awesome he is. I just LOVED it! The movie is an opportunity for people all around the world to have a glimpse at who God is and hopefully be moved to want to connect with him and possibly a local church. And if that happens, they can discover the God who can set them free from all their inner turmoil, all the stuff we call sin that wraps people in chains. They can be forgiven, set free and live a new life with Christ to follow. I just LOVED that movie. Thanks Hillsong for all you’re doing and have done. Such an outstanding, extraordinary example. You lift our horizons. Thanks for your humility in this movie and for stating the truth – that without God it would all be nothing.
The laughs: The girls make us laugh a lot. Summer did a good job tonight after an unexpected bump to Sarah. And watching this video back, they did a lot more laughing again.
The food: Summer and Sarah helped themselves to ‘Frozen’ rice bubbles after dinner. I was happy for them that they initiated and completed the task themselves. No matter they weren’t at the table. I’ve learned to be flexible with these two, especially Summer. Table is ideal. Loungeroom is not allowed. Elsewhere we can work with, if it means a good mood and food is eaten.
Dinner time we aim to have all seated. Sometimes we let Summer eat later. Sometimes we insist she sit with us or give her the alternative of bedtime. Then she chooses dinner. It can be hard work getting her to sit with us for the whole of dinner. Sometimes we just want to relax and focus on the other kids. Other times we just want the whole family to be together. So life and decisions ebb and flow. It’s been a long journey of learning the hard way, learning to be flexible.
Well this was an unexpected surprise. After dinner Kiara, Josiah and Micah decided to play a card and dice game – ‘Last Chance’. They went upstairs so they wouldn’t be interrupted. Well someone called ‘mum’ didn’t lock the door to upstairs, so guess what – Summer and Sarah opened it and went upstairs. I heard it happening while I was lounging on our giant bean bag. I waited for it – mum, mum, mum!!! OK. I reluctantly got up and went upstairs preparing to use all of my skills to cajole the girls, or Summer at least downstairs. Easier said than done! They did NOT want to move. But they were sitting there quite calmly so I suggested I lie on the couch next to them and keep an eye, and see how they went. The other kids reluctantly agreed. Well, surprise, surprise, it continued to go well. I thought that was amazing. I kept waiting for Summer to grab the dice and everything and then for the conflict to erupt, but she and Sarah just sat so nicely for ages. She did get the dice a few times, but fairly quickly gave it back, especially when I announced to everyone how good Summer was being. Kristin came upstairs and I told him to take a look. He suggested I video. So here’s a snapshot…
OK this is not going to end up where you think…
I can have patience for a while with things that are out of order. When my kids do the wrong thing, they can get a gentle warning or reprimand. Then if they do it again, the intensity builds and maybe they get an annoyed telling off. Then if they do it again, well the fire heats up. And eventually, without an intervention from the interior grace department, mumma’s wrath comes to the fore!
Same thing with irritating things around the house. I can put up with the leaky tap for a while. My patience deals with it, as there are far more important things to put my attention to. I don’t want to waste time dealing with it. But it niggles. And over time it builds up. And then it gets to the point where – something’s going to happen or else!
The line has been crossed. The decision has been made. And this mumma has HAD ENOUGH!
Well. This is what I call the breakthrough the moment. The moment where change is going to happen. The moment where my will becomes very powerful.
And I apply this to the battles within my mind.
Sometimes I can have stupid thought patterns or habits that are like annoying background music. I put up with them because I am used to them. And I have far more important things to attend to. But there comes a moment – and this is gold – when I have had enough.
As an aside here – I wonder if this is why we get put through the pressure pot sometimes. Because God in his grace knows we are not going to let go of some of our junk, unless we have ‘had enough’. And he wants us to enjoy the freedom that he has on offer. So he sends some challenge our way to artfully guide us to the place of overcoming.
So back to the thought grind. Mumma bear starts growling and says to herself. I have had enough of this junk in my mind. I’m not tolerating this anymore. NO MORE! I’ve had enough.
Well I’ve done this recently with disrespect. I’ve been far too disrespectful in my attitude to my husband. I’ve been trying to change this for a long time, but I’ve just always gone back to old attitudes of thinking. And I’ve observed in my journey with God, that breakthrough doesn’t usually happen until I get to this point of ‘had enough’.
Well I’ve had enough of turmoil in our home. We have five kids, two with special needs. And we get a lot of turmoil at different times. It’s so challenging that I need to get rid of every stress that I can. So I’ve been praying for more peace. And this is what God is bringing to my attention. Respect. Ouchy ouch. Well, I decided I’ve had enough of being disrespectful, I’ve had enough of trying to change and failing. I want God’s way. And I want it to change NOW!!!
So now I’ve been turning the corner. I’ve been practising a new attitude. I’ve been practising respect. I read a short article recently about a Jew in a concentration camp who determined to respect their abusers. And I thought – well – what excuse do I have? It’s not about whether my husband’s actions or words deserve respect, but it’s about who I am as a person inside.
Well on this path, I have to admit that it is actually bringing more peace. Not only in our marriage. But it has done something in me, so that I interact with the kids now more respectfully, which brings more peace and less turmoil, as they respond better. And the fruit of this down the track will be that the kids will be more respectful to us and each other, and this will in turn bring more peace. It’s like the opposite of a vicious cycle. Keeps getting better and better. I’m on the path now – it’s onward and upward.
What path do you need to get on? What’s it going to take to activate your will to make a stand. Enough is enough. Here’s the line. No more!
Being sexy is inspirational. Who do you want to inspire? Here’s a short video to consider…
Welcome to the first ’60 Second Preach’. I hope to do a number of these. Short and sweet. I’m not sure what topics to expect yet. This one will encourage and build!