Hidden in Plain Sight

Freedom of Speech, God, Spiritual, , ,

The Advantage of a Seeking Heart

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I’ve been getting to know God for some time now.

And I’ve noticed things about him.

One of those things, is that he is very clever with communication.

He speaks on one level, but there are multiple levels embedded that are not noticed by everyone.

And he’s quite comfortable with that.

I find that intriguing.

It reminds me of something Jesus said.

He used to tell parables, during his three years of public ministry.

Stories, that anyone could relate to, but which had a point.

Everyone understood the parables, but not everyone understood the point.

Jesus acknowledged this, saying,

‘“You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.” Matthew 13:14

I find that fascinating.

I get that not everybody gets everything. But it’s curious to me, that God is comfortable with not being obvious to everyone.

I suspect it’s something to do with seeking people’s hearts, not their minds.

For elsewhere God says,

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Lately, I find myself writing similarly.

Writing to connect at some level with anyone. But embedding deeper things to be discovered. And knowing that not everyone will find it. For some reason, there’s a joy in hiding things.

Perhaps this is because it’s then more special for the one that does take the time to look deeper and see. And they know it’s special, because they know if they just skimmed they would have missed it. And it is more valuable because they took the time.

I reflect on this, and think the joy is likewise for God and the seeker. Those who find him, are like the one who found treasure in a field. And sell everything they own, so they have enough to buy the field to have the treasure. And their joy is full because they know what it is worth.

Death then Life

Freedom, God, Inspiration, Peace, Spiritual, , , ,

A Liberating Pattern

Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

I am churning with this thought this week…

Sometimes you have to let things die to live…

But I’m not thinking about things like relationships.

I’m thinking about character.

Take for instance, complaining.

To complain, is to connect with others who also complain. There is camaraderie, there is mutual approval. You are at the same level. But what if you decide to stop complaining?

It’s hard. It’s very hard.

You have to lose something.

You have to lose the ability to connect and seem relevant in certain social situations. You have to lose the right to express your frustrations and feel important and righteous.

It’s a death. And it’s unpleasant.

I know. Cos I went through this.

It’s awful to hold complaining thoughts in your head and not allow them to see the light of day. To not allow their expression through your lips. The pressure builds and builds. And it takes will and determination to stop it. And it feels like death.

But on the other side of death is something surprising.

There is more freedom. More peace. More life.

To not complain, means to also let go of the thoughts of complaining. Because you don’t want that pressure building up in your head, so it’s best to just let it go.

So then you think differently. And you find yourself less burdened, happier and without the clutter that was there. It’s new and it’s a revelation.

It’s not with perfection. None of us attain that this side of eternity.

But it’s a breakthrough.

And the victory is inspiring.

What’s next? What else do I need to die to? What other opportunities for life are on the other side of a decision?

And the courage to face the death of luxury character flaws increases. And the hope of discovery becomes rejuvenating.

Such death becomes less fearsome, because one knows what is on the other side. So one can face bravely the awfulness of letting go. And trust what happens next.

…

I think of the seed that must be buried in the ground. From there it is able to shoot out new life and grow.

…

I think of Jesus, the son of God. Who willingly faced death on a cross, for the joy of obtaining salvation for the world. Death first, then life.

He even said, you have to lose your life to find it. And he wasn’t talking physical death. But death of your own concept of self. Laying down your own life, for the ways of God. The ways of God that don’t make sense to our worldly thinking. But which when activated bring life out of death.

A living, breathing reality. A reality marked by true freedom.

Perseverance

Bible, Grateful, Inspiration, Joy, Mental health, Spiritual

The Purpose and Joy in the Trials

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My parents bought me a black and white picture of a gymnast on a beam, with the caption,

“Do not pray for an easy life. Pray to be a strong person.”

I didn’t like the picture. It had no colour, or joy to it. And I didn’t like feeling pulled in by the caption. I knew I would succumb one day and pray that prayer.

And I did.

Several years later, I decided to memorise the book of James, a practical book of wisdom in the New Testament, from the Bible. I was drawn to its strong and unapologetic stance on things like caring for the poor, faith in action and taming the tongue.

So I started memorising the first chapter and then was struck by verses 2–4:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2–4

Wow that was a kapow!

And because it was at the start of the five chapters, when memorising and revising, it got the most practice. So it got locked solid in my brain.

And I dissected it bit by bit in my own time. Understanding the words, one at a time.

I thought — do I want to be mature and complete? Yes please. Do I want to lack nothing? Yes again.

So what do I need to achieve that?

According to the verse — I need perseverance. But not only perseverance, I need to persevere with perseverance, so it can finish its work.

But how do I get this perseverance?

Well, it says that having my faith tested develops perseverance.

So I need lots of instances of my faith being tested. And that means trials of many kinds. Not just one, not just a few, but many. And all different!

And this is the revelation I got at the time.

Consider it pure joy.

I got it.

Trials could be viewed differently. Instead of being just pain and suffering, discomfort or disappointment. I could view them with actual joy.

Because they were achieving for me what I wanted. And what couldn’t be achieved any other way.

How else do you get perseverance, without persisting through something difficult? How else do you prove your faith, without facing something hard that many might give up in the face of?

That verse has encouraged me over and over again in my life.

As a teenager I didn’t have that many trials. Sure I had friendship issues at school, but I was raised in a safe, loving and godly home.

But now that I’m 47 years old, I can most definitely say I have been through a huge amount of trials, not the least of which has been nearly 10 years of chronic fatigue, while raising five children, two with special needs.

I need all the encouragement I can get in this season of life. I long to have energy and feel normal again. I feel so burnt out from caring from my special needs daughters, even with the support of my husband and multiple carers for the girls.

But even in the midst of the prolonged nature of this trial and the disappointment that I face within this, I am reminded of this verse. Consider it pure joy.

And when I’m reminded of this perspective, I am invigorated with great hope in the midst of great challenge. I can have a strong sense of purpose.

Not an easy life. But an adventure. And one that is building me in all the ways that I need.

The Language of God

Emotions, Freedom of Speech, God, Grateful, Inspiration, Spiritual, , , ,

My Unusual Experience

Photo by Dylann Hendricks | 딜란 on Unsplash

So often I find myself trying to communicate, by searching for the right word.

I know what I want to say. But it is a knowing without words.

Language is just my tool to convey to another person the meaning that is in my heart.

And the language is inadequate.

I’ve heard peoples’ descriptions of heavens. And they all lament about the same thing. That their words don’t do justice to the glory that they have seen, the colours, the beauty, the incredible atmosphere.

This is true of so many things here on earth. How do you convey the depth of feeling that stirs up in your soul. How do you represent it digitally or on paper. It feels like a farce in some ways. A two-dimension version of something that is beyond even 3-D.

God gave me a language many years ago, when I was 16 years old. I was praying ‘in tongues’ in my bedroom — a Pentecostal practice that I had stepped into, while growing up in my ministry parents’ home. But this time was different — I started praying ‘in tongues’ with variations, inflections and intonation that sounded exactly like I was speaking a real language, instead of the usual monotonous drone that I used to utter.

Of course I had no idea in my mind what I was actually saying, but I’ll never forget how it was accompanied with a power and authority that was beyond my age and maturity. It was shocking to me in it’s boldness and difference to anything I had ever experienced. I didn’t want it to stop.

I prayed like this for quite some time. Knowing that it was accomplishing something significant, but having no idea in my human mind of the actual content. But the lack of awareness didn’t matter. My spirit was electrified. It felt like I was operating exactly how I was meant to, with God in me. The sense of rightness was without apology.

I am so grateful for this experience, that confirmed to me personally the validity of this God given gift. Without it I would have wondered at the monotony and powerlessness of so many ‘speaking in tongues’ prayers that I had heard over the years.

I often contemplate the brilliance of God in coming up with this ‘tongues’ strategy — a way for human beings to bypass the constraints of human language — and to communicate to the heart of God with words of heavenly origin. A fruit of the empowerment of his spirit.

This strategy is beyond my comprehension really. But I don’t need to understand everything about God. He wouldn’t be God if I could. I just trust and dive in with him.

Something else about God on this theme that I find fascinating… He often speaks to me in my heart. And I know what he has communicated. But I don’t have the words for it. I have to try to put it in words if I want to tell someone else. But my heart knows it.

I suspect and I have heard it will be like this in heaven. Language without words — just knowledge of what is in others’ hearts. It will be so much fuller and richer. And thankfully in that place there will be nothing we would need to hide.

Discrimination Against Immigrants is Spreading

Social Issues, , , ,

Because cats!

Photo by Aleksandar Popovski on Unsplash

So a 24/7 cat curfew has been spreading in Australia… And I’m a bit ticked off!

Our beloved household cats are immigrants. They invaded Australia several hundred years ago, coming with European settlers. Although dearly loved in countless households across Australia, they have become public enemy number one in many city councils. Some of them have committed the crime of annoying neighbours, killing local wildlife and getting lost. So many councils, in their great wisdom, have decided to impose a 24/7 cat curfew on all cats in the area.

These Councils are concerned about safety. And because safety trumps freedom in Australia, this means that discrimination against cat immigrants is OK.

Cats are not allowed to trespass on other people’s property. Thankfully many councils have realised that most cats still need to be outside, so in their wisdom, they are allowing cats in their own backyards. Such a great idea. We need to send a memo out to all the roaming cats to let them know. I’m sure they’ll be happy to oblige.

For all the cats that don’t speak English, the owners will need to be responsible for ensuring their cat doesn’t wander past the boundary lines. Thankfully there are options to assist with this. Zoo style enclosures are the answer for roaming cats. Good news for those zoo keepers or builders who are handy with this kind of thing. Good news for the rich too, who have spare money to pay someone to build it for them. And good news for the cats, who can enjoy the freedom of a beautifully designed enclosed outdoor prison, I mean space.

For the rest of the cat owners, they run the risk of large fines if their cat escapes outside and wanders. But that’s good news for councils of course, as it will bring in much needed revenue.

Some cat owners may decide to keep their cats inside from now on, as their cat doesn’t speak English and doesn’t understand the new rules. Those owners will have the joy of changing litter trays more frequently and yelling at their kids for leaving the door open and letting the cat escape yet again. That’s all good character development stuff that doesn’t hurt anyone. All for a good cause. And that cat meowing at the door can be entertained elsewhere inside. All cats love staying inside all day every day.

Safety is so very important. It always trumps freedom. Cats will be safe from now on. Safe from cars, fights and getting lost. Safety always enables happy and enriched lives.

On that note, humans should also be kept safe. Safe from hurting others and safe from hurting themselves. We should have 24 hour curfews too. It’s not safe for humans to leave their houses. Too many car accidents, work accidents, etc, etc. It’s much safer to be home.

I’m reminded of that saying — ‘the safest place for ships is in the harbour’. Yep, you bet it is!

Birds will now be safe of course. Safe from being attacked by cats. It’s very important to protect all creatures great and small. While we are at it, we should also look at protecting the safety of worms. There’s a lot of birds out there threatening their existence. Perhaps we need more zoo style enclosures for all the birds.

Such a safe society sounds just like the kind of society that everyone would love to live in.

In a safe society, cats can flourish and have maximum enjoyment of life. After all, why do they need to climb trees or go roaming. They don’t really enjoy that do they? That’s not part of a cat’s quality of life.

And if it was, it wouldn’t matter anyway, because cats don’t matter. Local wildlife and sensitive neighbours are much more important. Because they were here first. If cats want this unreasonable quality of life, they should pack up and go back to where they came from. After all, they are immigrants.

Cats don’t deserve to live outside anymore and climb trees and explore. Because cats aren’t native to Australia they are not a priority.

And so discrimination against immigrant cats is the answer, to achieve safety at the expense of freedom. An idea so brilliant, that councils across Victoria and other parts of Australia have begun embracing it one after the other and mandating it for all residents, whether they like it or not. It’s so good to live in Australia.

Child-Like Trust

Anxiety, Emotions, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Joy, Laughing, Mental health, Parenting, Peace, Spiritual, , , ,

Adulting with Joy and Peace

Photo by Terricks Noah on Unsplash

Light and playful. It’s a vibe I like.

My kids do it well. My daughter Summer is 17 years old. She has a moderate intellectual disability, as well as being diagnosed with autism and epilepsy. Verbal communication is not her strong suit, but she loves to connect with people. She loves to have fun. And she loves to laugh.

She will sit with two adults having a conversation for long periods of time. And when they laugh she will laugh. With gusto. It’s hilarious. I don’t know whether she understands fully what the conversation is about, but she understands the laughter. And with that she joins in. And people love her for it.

My son Micah is 13 years old. He is often launching out with funny comments or questions, or playfully teasing my husband and I. I’m not always ready for it, but he is. He has a playful vibe of ease, that I know I need to lean into more. It’s good for me. It’s good for him.

Yesterday I was praying with two other women. And sharing how I was struggling with so much fatigue. Having been diagnosed with chronic fatigue, this is a recurrent theme and I’ve had all kinds of advice. But yesterday their encouragement was different — live more like a child — with joy, freedom and playfulness.

Then last night the theme continued. My Facebook livestream guest was interrupted by her young son near the end of the program, wanting to say goodnight. She shared how he had also come to her earlier, so determined and insistent for her attention. So much so that she got a revelation…

“That’s how it’s supposed to be with us and God… running to him, with all our want and insistence, just to be in his presence.”

I cherished that image when she brought it. That one-eyed wanting of his attention.

So I pondered all of this today…

Why is that we adults often don’t live with the joy and freedom of kids. At what point do we lose this and why?

I thought about our responsibilities and our subsequent seriousness. I wondered if we bear the weight of these and they burden us. Do we become fixated on what we must do — desperately trying not to drop the balls we are juggling in the air?

Perhaps also, we learn over and over again, through let down and disappointment, that other people can’t be fully trusted. And so we are tempted to be more self-reliant, trusting only ourselves.

Indeed, that let down is inevitable for all of us. People have different perspectives and expectations. And we can’t mind read or live to please others all the time. So disappointment, then self-protection eventuates.

And yet children haven’t learned any of this. They don’t carry this burden.

But what if the weight of adult responsibility is not meant to be entirely ours? What if we are not meant to put our trust in people?

What if we were created to put these weights on God?

Hmm that’s a thought…

But is that practical? How would that look?

What if we trusted God so implicitly as the good Father, that the weight of responsibility shifted. And we were just obedient children doing what needed to be done, but ultimately trusting God to provide, to direct, to protect, etc. A change of heart posture. Would that feel lighter?

And what if, instead of trusting people and being disappointed, or retreating into self-reliance, we put our trust in God. Living with the hope and faith, that he is our good Father, our provider and our shepherd. What would that heart posture do to our burden?

I sense many would baulk at this. Who puts their trust in the unknown? Who throws away reason to the wind?

But for those who know God, it is the most logical thing to do. The God who sees all, knows all, has ultimate wisdom, with unconditional love. There’s no smarter option. The God of the Universe who can be trusted, even if we don’t like what he says all the time. There’s freedom in surrender to him. Albeit that the process of surrender can be painful.

Surrender. The door to breakthrough.

Think about it.

So much anxiety we live with. It’s not meant to be. We weren’t made to carry that weight.

…

God help me be more childlike and trust in you. To not carry the burden of responsibility that is not mine to bear. I want to live with that lighter step, to enjoy the freedom of playfulness in the midst of adulting. I need your help to go through that door.

The Power of Non-Judgmental Thinking in Daily Living

Bible, Emotions, Exhaustion, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Joy, Mental health, Peace, Spiritual, Stress, , , ,
Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

My dad was the first one who planted the seed. I remember when I was about 15 years old, being in the car with my brother while my dad was driving. A guy rudely cut my dad off and I had a moment of glee — this was the perfect justified moment to beep the horn. Dad had been offended and it was his time to let the guy know! I waited. My brother waited. We waited some more. And there was no beep. With great disappointment and indignation, we protested to my dad, “why didn’t you beep at that guy?”

I never forgot his answer — “you never know what that man’s morning was like — maybe he had an argument with his wife and is stressed, maybe he has cancer and is on his way to a medical appointment — I wouldn’t want to make his day any worse by beeping.”

OK. So we were silenced. What could we say in the face of that compassion and possible reality. And even if he was wrong, how could we actually know either way. Was he rude, was he not coping? We didn’t know. And that was my first lesson in judging. We don’t know all the facts.

In true parrot fashion, I re-enacted this lesson many years later with someone else in the car. We had passed a house with a horribly overgrown lawn and the person next to me was commenting how lazy the house owner was. I immediately looked for other compassionate scenarios, suggesting that perhaps the owner was disabled or sick and couldn’t mow the lawn, and/or was financially challenged and unable to afford to pay someone to do it. It felt good having this response.

So I started to practice this style of compassion more and more. I did not become an overnight convert. I still struggled with judgement. But in the process of trying, I began to discover important differences in the two types of responses.

I observed that judgmental thinking came with a sense of pride and superiority. This had a certain appeal, an enjoyable boost of ego, but in a dark festering way. And I observed that kind and generous thinking had real joy on the other side, leaving one feeling free and unburdened. I knew which one I preferred.

Years later, I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror. I felt exhausted. I was struggling with looking after five kids, two with special needs, one of whom had significant behavioural challenges. I couldn’t change my daughter’s disability, so I was desperately trying to create peace and rest in the places I could. I felt like I was doing everything I could — managing sleep, regular daytime rest, sunshine, good eating, etc. So I cried out to God, “What else can I do to reduce stress?” Straight away I heard the words in my heart, “Stop judging!”

I was taken aback. I considered myself to be a pretty non-judgmental person. I was practicing what I described above on a regular basis. That was now my default way of talking.

But was it my default way of thinking?

I realised that I still thought about the people in my world in ways that were judgmental. Had they offended me? Had they neglected me? My thoughts were all cased in judgment — they were insensitive, uncaring, not measuring up to my standards. I was judgemental!

I decided then and there to try to stop those thoughts. So when they came, as soon as I recognised them I would choose to end the trail. Think of something else. Just stop! It was not easy, but it was possible, as long as I remembered. And the more I practiced, the easier it got. And here’s the thing, I got more peace!

I reflected, there’s a lot of noise made from internal judgment. It’s busy and unhelpful. So it was good advice from God, to let it go.

And so yes I had more peace. But as with everything, there were more layers with this thing. You learn one lesson and you think you’ve learned it. Then you find there’s more to learn.

Fast forward to the present. And I find myself in a daily living situation, where I feel judged frequently. And by now judgement really grates on me, as I know how destructive it is. But there’s a trap. And the trap for me is to feel self-righteous. And then I got another revelation…

“With the measure you use, it will be measured to you”…

Those words from the Bible stuck in my brain. And it occurred to me that if I was feeling judged by this other person, then perhaps that was because I was judging them. Perhaps if I wasn’t judging, I would be free from feeling judged. Of course, my mindset can’t control another, but it can impact my inner suffering or peace.

I reflected on the words, with the measure you use it will be measured to you. I had always thought this referred to the end of time. The time when God judges the world. And then if you judged others harshly on earth, you get judged harshly by God.

But what if it was actually referring to the ‘here and now’. What if it referred to our inner suffering or peace. Perhaps if we judge others harshly, we perceive others as doing the same to us and we suffer for it. And perhaps if we don’t judge others, we don’t perceive others judging us. And so we don’t suffer. We have peace.

It was an interesting thought. And I have enjoyed it.

And I am still contemplating it.

At the end of the day, I always come back to the thought — God’s ways are brilliant. And he knows what he’s talking about!

Oh the peace that is available. And yet we do not often recognise it is so.

 

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1–5, NIV

Unlimited

Excited, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Spiritual, , , ,

The Fruit of God: Endless and Amazing Discovery

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

God is unlimited.

What is the fruit of that?

A heck of a lot.

Think about it.

I remembered a song about God — “Your faithfulness reaches to the skies”. And I thought, literally that is not true. It might be nice poetic licence. But the reality is that his faithfulness is never ending. It is without limit.

People compare things about God to the sand on the seashore. Because you couldn’t even begin to count every grain of sand. An impossible task for us as human beings. But even the sand analogy is no good. Because sand is limited. There comes a point when there is no more sand left. But God is not limited.

Or what about the water in the ocean? How could we even begin to explore every depth? But yet again the analogy falls short — there is an end to the water!

I thought about the joy and pleasure of revelation; the acquiring of beautiful knowledge. And subsequently the human fulfilment that is found in growth as a person. This too, I realised, is without limit. We will never in our lifetime run out of things to learn about, or ways to grow as a person.

But it goes further… after physical death, if you believe as I do that our spirit continues on, then the journey continues. And in this journey, there is still the potential for growth, for revelation and the acquiring of knowledge. And this is in the same category of unlimited. Because the creator of the universe and subsequently all that there is to discover is unlimited.

The fruit of God. Endless and amazing discovery!

How A Second Phone Helped Me Overcome Screen Addiction

Anxiety, Freedom, Inspiration, Mental health, Social Issues, , , ,

Photo by Vojtech Bruzek on Unsplash

I got an idea.

“Get a second phone.”

It sounded different from my normal thoughts. It was confident, but quiet. Immediate and with a full-stop. I thought it might be God speaking, so I gave it serious attention.

At first it seemed like a stupid idea — why pay money for another phone and monthly plan? Why complicate my life with a second number?

But I thought further…

I had a major problem. I was getting distracted by multiple apps, multiple times a day. Leading to dopamine overload, reduced creativity and reduced brain capacity.

And yet I wanted a rewarding life, with flourishing creativity and maximum brain capacity.

Should I just ditch my smart phone?

“Not possible!”

My lifestyle now required a smart phone. Unless I moved to a farm and lived off-grid, I couldn’t do without many of the apps on my phone. But they sucked me into their distraction vortex too often. And I didn’t have the willpower to control this. It controlled me.

So how could a second phone help with this problem?

I thought about it… If I had a second phone, it could be a simple one, just for calls and texts, without any other apps. A way to be contactable by those close to me, for emergencies or immediate communications. And free of the distraction of the apps on my other phone.

And then I could keep my smart phone as a tool, for specific tasks. But with a new mindset — that once I’ve used the tool, I put it away without looking at other apps at the same time.

This all dawned on me rather quickly and I was excited! I didn’t have to ditch my smart phone. I could keep all my apps. But a second phone could give me a better chance to live in control of when and how I used my smart phone.

So I decided to try it. I ordered the second phone. I ordered the SIM. I got it set up. And I STARTED!

…

So did it work?…

The PROS

The first thing I noticed was a profound change at bedtime and wake time. I was now empowered to put my smartphone outside of my bedroom, so that it couldn’t intrude on sleep time or the start of my day. I wasn’t able to do this previously, as we have two special needs daughters who have carers assisting them each morning. And it is essential for me to notice and respond quickly to carer texts.

But now I could put the second phone next to my bed for urgent carer messages. And leave the smartphone with all its distracting apps out of the bedroom.

This has meant more peace with how I finish and start my days. No more message or social media checking or news reading. Instead I’m just writing in my journal, reading, or just lying still and thinking. It feels good!

This has been the biggest change so far.

The other positive change has been the feeling of empowerment and control. Because the smart phone is no longer ‘urgent’, I have been able to view it as a tool rather than a friend. It has a purpose and when that purpose is complete, it goes back in its place.

This has also reduced anxiety for me, not needing to check it all the time. And this is giving me a lot of headspace back.

The CONS

On the down side, it is annoying having two phones. Sometimes I need to carry both around with me, eg when leaving the house, so I have GPS. 

Sometimes it is confusing having message conversations on two different phones. The carers for my daughters, for example, message me during shifts on the second phone. But for non-urgent communications they message the smart phone, for me to respond to during my ‘non-urgent’ administrative time. And this can be confusing. I’m still working this out.

There is also a small financial cost to having the second phone. I paid $50 for the phone and also pay $10 a month for the SIM card. Personally I think the cost is well worth the gains that I am making. $2.50 per week for more empowered living!

UPS AND DOWNS

Several days after trialling the second phone, I became sick and ended up in bed for over a week, unable to think or function properly. I reverted to screens for distraction and entertainment during this time. It was a deliberate decision to do this, as I didn’t have the mental stamina while sick to achieve the new empowerment goals. It was annoying, but it was temporary.

Once better, I put the smart phone back out of the bedroom. And went back to where I started, using it as a tool only.

I initially used the smartphone for downtime in the evenings. I liked to hop on once a day to play Wordle & other games, plus check social media and the news. Given my chronic fatigue and the unpredictable challenges of two special needs girls, this was a coping mechanism, curling up with my phone for ‘down-time’. But by week three I had the headspace to lie down and listen to music instead. And then not long after that, I took the next step and ditched using the smartphone for downtime. This was super encouraging, as I couldn’t achieve this in the beginning, but could after three weeks. And this encourages me to think that I can achieve even better steps in the near future.

CONCLUSIONS — SEVEN REASONS THIS EXPERIMENT WORKED

After more than one month, I am super encouraged at how effective a second phone has been in reducing screen distraction and addiction. I have made sustained progress that was not possible previously. There are seven reasons why I believe this has been working…

1. REMOVAL of FEAR

Having a second phone for urgent messages, removes my need or excuse to check my smart phone regularly. My smart phone is no longer urgent — I can think of it differently, without anxiety and use it only as needed.

2. MINDSET CHANGE — TOOL not FRIEND

Going to all this effort to have a second phone motivates me to embrace the mindset that my smart phone is a tool, not a friend. So when I use it, it is for a clear purpose and then I put it away again. I am empowered to have this disciplined approach and I feel great for it.

3. ACCOUNTABILITY

Because I’ve told immediate family and carers of my strategy and given them my new phone number, which they are now making the effort to use, I feel obliged to stick with my goals, or I will look foolish in front of them. And I will have wasted their effort too. Likewise, by posting here online, I am further accountable to others, to stick with my goals.

4. FINANCIAL INVESTMENT

Because I’m paying a monthly subscription for a SIM card and because I paid for the second phone, even thought these costs were minimal, I don’t want to waste the money by failing. I am further motivated to succeed to make this investment count.

5. MOMENTUM

As I have been succeeding, I have made further steps that were not possible at the beginning, such as eliminating comfort scrolling in the evenings. This has given me more discretionary time to do other more healing or productive things. I’m on a roll and this will likely lead to more and more wins.

6. INCREASED AWARENESS

As my mind experiences longer times of being clearer, I am becoming more sensitive to the negative feeling of phone over-use. Too much use of the smart phone, even as a tool, causes me to feel ‘wired’, and ‘tight’ in my brain. I don’t like it. And because of this awareness, I’m choosing to use the smart phone even less often. The positive impact is snowballing!

7. READY FOR IT

I don’t think this idea would have worked if I wasn’t ready for it. Having tried other solutions previously and failed, I was ready to try something new. And I was willing to ‘pay for it’. I was keen to run with discipline. I just needed help to overcome my stumbling block — the feeling of urgency to check my phone all the time. And the second phone was the catalyst for this opportunity.

I fully acknowledge the solution of a second phone is not fool proof. It relies on my will and daily decision making, as to whether I succeed or fail. But it has made it a LOT easier for me to succeed.

I’m grateful for now experiencing a calmer mind and the new space for other activities. I hope that long-term there will be an exponential impact, in terms of improved mental health and creative/intellectual capacity. 

I hope my story encourages you in your own screen time journey. And that some of my discoveries can help you find your own unique solution that will empower you to live your best life! Your mental and creative capacity are worth the investment!

Lastly, some of you may be wondering… why did I mention God at the start? Did he actually talk to me? Was this his idea? Those are relevant questions and I will definitely be talking about God in future articles…

The Screen Time Experiment: A Radical and Practical Solution

Freedom, Inspiration, Mental health, Social Issues, , , ,

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Part 1 — The Idea

Like many of us I have struggled with screen addiction. I’m 47 years old, mum to five kids (two with special needs). I struggle with chronic fatigue and spend most of my week at home. I have an iPhone 11, MacBook and TV. And over the years I have tried and failed numerous times to curb my impulse to be sucked in by attention grabbing apps!

I consider myself reasonably curbed, by today’s standards… I don’t play online games, except for Wordle and some of the other NY Times games. And I only watch 3–6 TV shows/movies a week. It could be a lot worse, but I’ve recognised how easily addicted I get to games and I’ve banned myself from ones like ‘Cooking Fever.’ When I used to play them, I would obsess and dive in deep and get really good at it in a short period of time. Then realise it was all I was thinking about, and decide to go cold turkey and delete. The same would happen with Netflix TV series — enjoyment leading to obsession that became too all consuming — again the solution was to delete!

Deleting was my strategy with many other apps too. I’d realise how much time I was wasting looking at my phone, so I’d start deleting whatever I considered was a non-essential app. But inevitably this strategy failed dismally. In the weeks following, I would find myself slowly bringing back the apps one by one, as I realised how inconvenient life was without them. First the ‘necessary’ ones, then the less necessary and then finally the rest of them, because everything had crept right back and I’d lost my will to fight for my mind.

That was the thing. I felt like I’d lost the “normalness” of my mind. The constant dopamine hits from clicking and scrolling and finding out information, or completing tasks. And the unpredictable interruptions from notifications. Even though I’d been smart with reducing notifications, there was still a trap. I would hear a message — open it and look — see the badge numbers accumulating on another app (that I’d turned sound notifications off for) and then dive into that app afterwards, before checking the weather, then the bank account, then the calendar, etc, etc. And before you knew it I’d wasted 20–30 minutes. But worse than that, my brain felt discombobulated. I didn’t like it.

I tried grey scaling the apps on my phone to de-motivate me in using my phone. But that was overly horrible. I value beauty and aesthetics. I couldn’t bear the misery. I restored colour after about 30 seconds. At least let me have joy with a device I need to use!

So what to do about my brain?

I read a book about a woman who used to travel through different continents with her partner, with nothing but a basic backpack, hunting for their own food in forests and jungles, making their own fires and sleeping in tents at night. No screens for them. And she shared of how alive she felt. Of course she was also living outside in nature and exercising extensively. But when she came back to civilisation and had to use devices again, she described the feeling of being sucked into the void of screen addiction. And how this affected her brain. And how she hated it, but couldn’t resist it.

She knew better than most of us the difference to her brain before and after screens? And yet she also was sucked into the screen vortex. Was there any hope for me? Was it possible to have my pre-screen brain back again?

I’ve thought many times about each and every one of my apps. Do I really need them? Can I find other things to use instead — a watch on my wrist, a GPS or map in the car, a stand alone camera, my bank card in my purse, a written calendar, a shopping list at home that my husband and I can add to. Music CDs? All of these things were possible but a lot less convenient. So I would weigh it up… umm and aah… and wonder if one day I’d have the grit and determination to make the hard decision and just do it!

But with kids at schools that communicate via multiple apps and being a content creator on social media and writer, I rely on so many apps just to function in society. And the need is growing — think ‘authenticator’ apps, given our ID security issues today. And so the conclusion… I can’t go app free with my current lifestyle. It’s not possible without causing major problems to myself and others.

And so I’m stuck with my smart phone!

What to do? Perhaps some of you can handle a smart phone with an ease of discipline. But personally I don’t have enough self-control to ignore non-necessary apps. It’s possible for short times when I’m at a motivation spike and life is going well and my energy is OK. But when my energy spirals, or emotional challenges hit I revert to comfort existence, which includes phone scrolling. Then the amount of content in my head builds up and it is overload. Overwhelm. And there I am back again at square one.

Aargh!! Can anyone relate?

Interestingly, as an aside, this was the moment I discovered ‘Medium’. I was researching screen time solutions, but the internet only gave me ‘same old’ content spitted out by everyone in different ways and regurgitated by AI. It was boring, un-inspirational and unhelpful. I eventually found a personal story from someone and was delighted — aha — fresh perspective. But alas it was behind a paywall. Then I found another personal story — but aargh the paywall again. By this stage I was ‘over’ researching on google and since I discovered the two stories were behind the same paywall — and that monthly membership was only $5USD a month, I decided to pay that for two original articles. And that’s why I’m now on Medium!

It was good to read of others struggles and what they had tried. I appreciated it very much. But I still wasn’t settled. I needed a personal solution that was more radical, but also practical. What could I do?

And then I got this new idea…

Some would call it random inspiration. But for me random is cheap and unlikely to work. I usually disregard such ideas. But this idea had a different sound. From my experience with spirituality it was God’s whisper in my ear. So I paid it attention.

“Get a second phone”.

Ooh that’s a new idea. I hadn’t thought about that before. Ok then. Let’s think about this. Could this work? Maybe I could get a second phone just for urgent phone calls and message and take this simple phone around with me everywhere. And then my main phone with all the apps could be kept aside with my laptop, for when I needed to do focused work. At a chosen time for that kind of headspace. And therefore not interrupting the other parts of my day.

So I could take my simple phone on walks in nature, have it with me when relaxing on the couch, when sitting with my kids. I could feel the security of being contactable — did my daughter have a seizure — someone could tell me. And I could ditch the dopamine distraction of my app phone in these moments. But keep and choose the app phone for the times it was truly needed. Purposeful moments, rather than every possible moment.

I got excited with the idea. I saw the potential. But also knew I couldn’t predict how this would work. What would be the pros and cons? I would just have to try it and find out.

I did some research. I didn’t want to spend a lot of money, so I got a secondhand iPhone 4 for $50AUD and found the cheapest phone plan — $10 per month, as I didn’t need a plan with much data. This wasn’t going to break our budget. In perspective, $2.50 per week was a pretty cheap investment to help me ditch the dopamine distraction.

I decided to give my new phone number to my husband and kids, carers and schools only. Not even my parents got the new number. The purpose was for every day running of our household and kids. I figured any emergency from extended family could be easily communicated to my husband and then to me. I didn’t need to complicate extended family with two phone numbers.

I felt the excitement of a new, untried pathway. Could this work? Would it be a success?

Since I had already been wrestling with the pain of this screen issue for a long time, I was ready to dive into the solution with enthusiasm. So when the simple phone arrived in the mail, I was happy to put the main app phone out of reach. It no longer had a place at the bedside table. No longer available before bed and no longer available first thing in the morning. I relished the loss of this. And I sat with the absence of entertainment. And embraced the nothingness of boredom. However I didn’t feel bored or restless. I felt more powerful, more present and hopeful.

This of course was no evidence of success — just the expected optimism of the start of any resolution. What would happen over time? What tests could this new solution withstand or crumble under? Would this effort be worthwhile or a waste of time over the long term?

As I write this I am in the early days of trying this experiment. I am documenting my experience and look forward to sharing the pros and cons. The insights and conclusions.

Stay tuned for part 2!

Diamond

Emotions, Excited, Grateful, Inspiration, Joy, Spiritual, Uncategorized, , ,
Image by Lars Plöger from Pixabay

We all have struggles. And we are all forged through them. Like diamonds…

I felt the pull to write these words, to articulate the intensity of the journey and the beauty that unfolds and that I hope for. But also for you too.

For me this composition is an interplay between me and my Creator. For you it may mean something else. I hope it will inspire and encourage you to value your challenges and see the possibilities…

Diamond

Intensity of formation
Heat and pressure
Again and again
Relentless

Hiddenness and obscurity
Humble beginnings await discovery
Thrill for the avid seeker
Determination, toil, persistence
“Eureka!”

Eye and hand
Of Master Craftsman
Vision of possibility
Skillful cuts
Fastidious polish
Care and cherishing

An original

Unveiling now
Father is proud
Resplendent beauty
Stunning multi faceted light

It is very good
Inner Hallelujah erupts
Sacrifice’s reward
Diamond of great price

You

.

Lockdown 4.0

Uncategorized, , , , ,
Well it’s lockdown time here in Vic. Well in nearly 4 hours. So how are we all doing?
 
For me, it kind of feels like a blur this time around. The adrenaline is not there so much. Maybe just a mix of numbness and peace and anxiety all at the same time. Is that a thing?
 
School at home again! Oh boy. I called Summer’s school 6 times over an hour and finally got through on the sixth time. Maybe everyone was calling them. I got put through to the lady I needed to speak to straight away and told her our situation. I’m requesting Summer be allowed to go to school, due to our changed situation of vulnerability – her current unpredictable violence due to the new medication and my current low energy state over the last month. The lady was very sympathetic and understanding. The school is great. I’m hoping for a YES tomorrow morning. Will wait and see.
 
In the meantime I contacted our carer team and asked for help over the next week. I’ll work out a new roster during school hours for Sarah (and possibly Summer if she’s not at school). I’m so glad we already have a great carer team with so much home and caring help. We are blessed! But there are plenty of unfilled gaps still. I just have to laugh – I’m sure it will work out – what can I do but laugh and take one day at a time.
 
To be completely honest, I also do a lot of trusting God. I don’t pray a heck of a lot about our problems (unless I’m in a group, and I can stay focused easier). But I do a heck of a LOT of trusting and checking in with God and listening. I know God’s got my back. He knows what we need. And he’s paving the way already. And he will take care of us. And that helps us rest easy. As an aside, it’s the little things you notice it with. Like dinner tonight – it just fell into place with minimal effort. Kris got some meat out and then told me. So I fried the rissoles and then remembered we had left over veggies. Got prompts from ‘you know who’ to mix it all together with sour cream with the cut up rissoles. And it worked. And everyone loved it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy Japanesy as my daughter Sarah says. (No offense to the Japanese -it just rhymes). So me and God are good pals. And we do life together.
 
So back to today…
 
Summer came home in a good mood with the carer. She had a good time at after school care too. Phew. Good to hear. I came downstairs and she was quietly and calmly colouring in at the table. A favourite activity. I started cooking some rissoles in the frypan and relaxed somewhat. I even started to gently sing, ‘at the sound of your name”, at which point I was rudely interrupted by Summer yelling, ‘no singing’. She then shoved the pencil case right off across the table, with pencils scattering over the floor. I stopped singing.
 
It wasn’t the moment to teach her to clean up her mess. She’s too unpredictably volatile at the moment. I’m not willing to pay the price. We need peace in our home. And there’s no point me telling her off for being rude or self-centric. She doesn’t get it, and not only does it not change anything, but it heightens her and things escalate. The best thing I could do was be silent and hope she resettled herself. She did. After a few minutes I discreetly moved to pick up the pencils, not wanting to disturb her focus.
 
I got back to cooking with a knot in my stomach. All quiet drawing for a while. Phew! Then a sudden table slam. What was that? I don’t know. I considered getting headphones, in case of further outbursts. But she stayed settled after that. I slowly brought her dinner over and in slow gentle motion put it off to her side. Close enough to be within reach. Far enough away not to threaten her. She smiled and said ‘thank you mummy, yum’. Ooh that’s good. I like that.
 
I called the boys down for dinner and directed them to eat in the loungeroom in front of the fire. They probably thought it was to take advantage of the fire. But no, it was to avoid triggering Summer, by them being in the same room and making noise and movement. I didn’t tell them that – I don’t want them to feel everything revolves around Summer. It all went well. Me and the boys had a nice dinner. Summer had a nice dinner and drawing. Kris and Sarah were out on a daddy daughter date.
 
Summer is still drawing like a champ, so I’ve snuck upstairs to write.
Kris has just arrived home.
 
Soon I get to transition Summer to toilet and possibly shower and later bed. Think of me. Hoping for the best! 😊