Because cats!

So a 24/7 cat curfew has been spreading in Australia… And I’m a bit ticked off!

Our beloved household cats are immigrants. They invaded Australia several hundred years ago, coming with European settlers. Although dearly loved in countless households across Australia, they have become public enemy number one in many city councils. Some of them have committed the crime of annoying neighbours, killing local wildlife and getting lost. So many councils, in their great wisdom, have decided to impose a 24/7 cat curfew on all cats in the area.

These Councils are concerned about safety. And because safety trumps freedom in Australia, this means that discrimination against cat immigrants is OK.

Cats are not allowed to trespass on other people’s property. Thankfully many councils have realised that most cats still need to be outside, so in their wisdom, they are allowing cats in their own backyards. Such a great idea. We need to send a memo out to all the roaming cats to let them know. I’m sure they’ll be happy to oblige.

For all the cats that don’t speak English, the owners will need to be responsible for ensuring their cat doesn’t wander past the boundary lines. Thankfully there are options to assist with this. Zoo style enclosures are the answer for roaming cats. Good news for those zoo keepers or builders who are handy with this kind of thing. Good news for the rich too, who have spare money to pay someone to build it for them. And good news for the cats, who can enjoy the freedom of a beautifully designed enclosed outdoor prison, I mean space.

For the rest of the cat owners, they run the risk of large fines if their cat escapes outside and wanders. But that’s good news for councils of course, as it will bring in much needed revenue.

Some cat owners may decide to keep their cats inside from now on, as their cat doesn’t speak English and doesn’t understand the new rules. Those owners will have the joy of changing litter trays more frequently and yelling at their kids for leaving the door open and letting the cat escape yet again. That’s all good character development stuff that doesn’t hurt anyone. All for a good cause. And that cat meowing at the door can be entertained elsewhere inside. All cats love staying inside all day every day.

Safety is so very important. It always trumps freedom. Cats will be safe from now on. Safe from cars, fights and getting lost. Safety always enables happy and enriched lives.

On that note, humans should also be kept safe. Safe from hurting others and safe from hurting themselves. We should have 24 hour curfews too. It’s not safe for humans to leave their houses. Too many car accidents, work accidents, etc, etc. It’s much safer to be home.

I’m reminded of that saying — ‘the safest place for ships is in the harbour’. Yep, you bet it is!

Birds will now be safe of course. Safe from being attacked by cats. It’s very important to protect all creatures great and small. While we are at it, we should also look at protecting the safety of worms. There’s a lot of birds out there threatening their existence. Perhaps we need more zoo style enclosures for all the birds.

Such a safe society sounds just like the kind of society that everyone would love to live in.

In a safe society, cats can flourish and have maximum enjoyment of life. After all, why do they need to climb trees or go roaming. They don’t really enjoy that do they? That’s not part of a cat’s quality of life.

And if it was, it wouldn’t matter anyway, because cats don’t matter. Local wildlife and sensitive neighbours are much more important. Because they were here first. If cats want this unreasonable quality of life, they should pack up and go back to where they came from. After all, they are immigrants.

Cats don’t deserve to live outside anymore and climb trees and explore. Because cats aren’t native to Australia they are not a priority.

And so discrimination against immigrant cats is the answer, to achieve safety at the expense of freedom. An idea so brilliant, that councils across Victoria and other parts of Australia have begun embracing it one after the other and mandating it for all residents, whether they like it or not. It’s so good to live in Australia.