Tag Archives: mental health

Child-Like Trust

Anxiety, Emotions, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Joy, Laughing, Mental health, Parenting, Peace, Spiritual, , , ,

Adulting with Joy and Peace

Photo by Terricks Noah on Unsplash

Light and playful. It’s a vibe I like.

My kids do it well. My daughter Summer is 17 years old. She has a moderate intellectual disability, as well as being diagnosed with autism and epilepsy. Verbal communication is not her strong suit, but she loves to connect with people. She loves to have fun. And she loves to laugh.

She will sit with two adults having a conversation for long periods of time. And when they laugh she will laugh. With gusto. It’s hilarious. I don’t know whether she understands fully what the conversation is about, but she understands the laughter. And with that she joins in. And people love her for it.

My son Micah is 13 years old. He is often launching out with funny comments or questions, or playfully teasing my husband and I. I’m not always ready for it, but he is. He has a playful vibe of ease, that I know I need to lean into more. It’s good for me. It’s good for him.

Yesterday I was praying with two other women. And sharing how I was struggling with so much fatigue. Having been diagnosed with chronic fatigue, this is a recurrent theme and I’ve had all kinds of advice. But yesterday their encouragement was different — live more like a child — with joy, freedom and playfulness.

Then last night the theme continued. My Facebook livestream guest was interrupted by her young son near the end of the program, wanting to say goodnight. She shared how he had also come to her earlier, so determined and insistent for her attention. So much so that she got a revelation…

“That’s how it’s supposed to be with us and God… running to him, with all our want and insistence, just to be in his presence.”

I cherished that image when she brought it. That one-eyed wanting of his attention.

So I pondered all of this today…

Why is that we adults often don’t live with the joy and freedom of kids. At what point do we lose this and why?

I thought about our responsibilities and our subsequent seriousness. I wondered if we bear the weight of these and they burden us. Do we become fixated on what we must do — desperately trying not to drop the balls we are juggling in the air?

Perhaps also, we learn over and over again, through let down and disappointment, that other people can’t be fully trusted. And so we are tempted to be more self-reliant, trusting only ourselves.

Indeed, that let down is inevitable for all of us. People have different perspectives and expectations. And we can’t mind read or live to please others all the time. So disappointment, then self-protection eventuates.

And yet children haven’t learned any of this. They don’t carry this burden.

But what if the weight of adult responsibility is not meant to be entirely ours? What if we are not meant to put our trust in people?

What if we were created to put these weights on God?

Hmm that’s a thought…

But is that practical? How would that look?

What if we trusted God so implicitly as the good Father, that the weight of responsibility shifted. And we were just obedient children doing what needed to be done, but ultimately trusting God to provide, to direct, to protect, etc. A change of heart posture. Would that feel lighter?

And what if, instead of trusting people and being disappointed, or retreating into self-reliance, we put our trust in God. Living with the hope and faith, that he is our good Father, our provider and our shepherd. What would that heart posture do to our burden?

I sense many would baulk at this. Who puts their trust in the unknown? Who throws away reason to the wind?

But for those who know God, it is the most logical thing to do. The God who sees all, knows all, has ultimate wisdom, with unconditional love. There’s no smarter option. The God of the Universe who can be trusted, even if we don’t like what he says all the time. There’s freedom in surrender to him. Albeit that the process of surrender can be painful.

Surrender. The door to breakthrough.

Think about it.

So much anxiety we live with. It’s not meant to be. We weren’t made to carry that weight.

…

God help me be more childlike and trust in you. To not carry the burden of responsibility that is not mine to bear. I want to live with that lighter step, to enjoy the freedom of playfulness in the midst of adulting. I need your help to go through that door.

How A Second Phone Helped Me Overcome Screen Addiction

Anxiety, Freedom, Inspiration, Mental health, Social Issues, , , ,

Photo by Vojtech Bruzek on Unsplash

I got an idea.

“Get a second phone.”

It sounded different from my normal thoughts. It was confident, but quiet. Immediate and with a full-stop. I thought it might be God speaking, so I gave it serious attention.

At first it seemed like a stupid idea — why pay money for another phone and monthly plan? Why complicate my life with a second number?

But I thought further…

I had a major problem. I was getting distracted by multiple apps, multiple times a day. Leading to dopamine overload, reduced creativity and reduced brain capacity.

And yet I wanted a rewarding life, with flourishing creativity and maximum brain capacity.

Should I just ditch my smart phone?

“Not possible!”

My lifestyle now required a smart phone. Unless I moved to a farm and lived off-grid, I couldn’t do without many of the apps on my phone. But they sucked me into their distraction vortex too often. And I didn’t have the willpower to control this. It controlled me.

So how could a second phone help with this problem?

I thought about it… If I had a second phone, it could be a simple one, just for calls and texts, without any other apps. A way to be contactable by those close to me, for emergencies or immediate communications. And free of the distraction of the apps on my other phone.

And then I could keep my smart phone as a tool, for specific tasks. But with a new mindset — that once I’ve used the tool, I put it away without looking at other apps at the same time.

This all dawned on me rather quickly and I was excited! I didn’t have to ditch my smart phone. I could keep all my apps. But a second phone could give me a better chance to live in control of when and how I used my smart phone.

So I decided to try it. I ordered the second phone. I ordered the SIM. I got it set up. And I STARTED!

…

So did it work?…

The PROS

The first thing I noticed was a profound change at bedtime and wake time. I was now empowered to put my smartphone outside of my bedroom, so that it couldn’t intrude on sleep time or the start of my day. I wasn’t able to do this previously, as we have two special needs daughters who have carers assisting them each morning. And it is essential for me to notice and respond quickly to carer texts.

But now I could put the second phone next to my bed for urgent carer messages. And leave the smartphone with all its distracting apps out of the bedroom.

This has meant more peace with how I finish and start my days. No more message or social media checking or news reading. Instead I’m just writing in my journal, reading, or just lying still and thinking. It feels good!

This has been the biggest change so far.

The other positive change has been the feeling of empowerment and control. Because the smart phone is no longer ‘urgent’, I have been able to view it as a tool rather than a friend. It has a purpose and when that purpose is complete, it goes back in its place.

This has also reduced anxiety for me, not needing to check it all the time. And this is giving me a lot of headspace back.

The CONS

On the down side, it is annoying having two phones. Sometimes I need to carry both around with me, eg when leaving the house, so I have GPS. 

Sometimes it is confusing having message conversations on two different phones. The carers for my daughters, for example, message me during shifts on the second phone. But for non-urgent communications they message the smart phone, for me to respond to during my ‘non-urgent’ administrative time. And this can be confusing. I’m still working this out.

There is also a small financial cost to having the second phone. I paid $50 for the phone and also pay $10 a month for the SIM card. Personally I think the cost is well worth the gains that I am making. $2.50 per week for more empowered living!

UPS AND DOWNS

Several days after trialling the second phone, I became sick and ended up in bed for over a week, unable to think or function properly. I reverted to screens for distraction and entertainment during this time. It was a deliberate decision to do this, as I didn’t have the mental stamina while sick to achieve the new empowerment goals. It was annoying, but it was temporary.

Once better, I put the smart phone back out of the bedroom. And went back to where I started, using it as a tool only.

I initially used the smartphone for downtime in the evenings. I liked to hop on once a day to play Wordle & other games, plus check social media and the news. Given my chronic fatigue and the unpredictable challenges of two special needs girls, this was a coping mechanism, curling up with my phone for ‘down-time’. But by week three I had the headspace to lie down and listen to music instead. And then not long after that, I took the next step and ditched using the smartphone for downtime. This was super encouraging, as I couldn’t achieve this in the beginning, but could after three weeks. And this encourages me to think that I can achieve even better steps in the near future.

CONCLUSIONS — SEVEN REASONS THIS EXPERIMENT WORKED

After more than one month, I am super encouraged at how effective a second phone has been in reducing screen distraction and addiction. I have made sustained progress that was not possible previously. There are seven reasons why I believe this has been working…

1. REMOVAL of FEAR

Having a second phone for urgent messages, removes my need or excuse to check my smart phone regularly. My smart phone is no longer urgent — I can think of it differently, without anxiety and use it only as needed.

2. MINDSET CHANGE — TOOL not FRIEND

Going to all this effort to have a second phone motivates me to embrace the mindset that my smart phone is a tool, not a friend. So when I use it, it is for a clear purpose and then I put it away again. I am empowered to have this disciplined approach and I feel great for it.

3. ACCOUNTABILITY

Because I’ve told immediate family and carers of my strategy and given them my new phone number, which they are now making the effort to use, I feel obliged to stick with my goals, or I will look foolish in front of them. And I will have wasted their effort too. Likewise, by posting here online, I am further accountable to others, to stick with my goals.

4. FINANCIAL INVESTMENT

Because I’m paying a monthly subscription for a SIM card and because I paid for the second phone, even thought these costs were minimal, I don’t want to waste the money by failing. I am further motivated to succeed to make this investment count.

5. MOMENTUM

As I have been succeeding, I have made further steps that were not possible at the beginning, such as eliminating comfort scrolling in the evenings. This has given me more discretionary time to do other more healing or productive things. I’m on a roll and this will likely lead to more and more wins.

6. INCREASED AWARENESS

As my mind experiences longer times of being clearer, I am becoming more sensitive to the negative feeling of phone over-use. Too much use of the smart phone, even as a tool, causes me to feel ‘wired’, and ‘tight’ in my brain. I don’t like it. And because of this awareness, I’m choosing to use the smart phone even less often. The positive impact is snowballing!

7. READY FOR IT

I don’t think this idea would have worked if I wasn’t ready for it. Having tried other solutions previously and failed, I was ready to try something new. And I was willing to ‘pay for it’. I was keen to run with discipline. I just needed help to overcome my stumbling block — the feeling of urgency to check my phone all the time. And the second phone was the catalyst for this opportunity.

I fully acknowledge the solution of a second phone is not fool proof. It relies on my will and daily decision making, as to whether I succeed or fail. But it has made it a LOT easier for me to succeed.

I’m grateful for now experiencing a calmer mind and the new space for other activities. I hope that long-term there will be an exponential impact, in terms of improved mental health and creative/intellectual capacity. 

I hope my story encourages you in your own screen time journey. And that some of my discoveries can help you find your own unique solution that will empower you to live your best life! Your mental and creative capacity are worth the investment!

Lastly, some of you may be wondering… why did I mention God at the start? Did he actually talk to me? Was this his idea? Those are relevant questions and I will definitely be talking about God in future articles…

My Happy Place

Anxiety, Autism, Emotions, Exhaustion, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Joy, Mental health, Microcephaly, Peace, Special Needs, , , , , , , , ,

Rest chairThe stress and exhaustion got to the point, where wise advice from someone really close, was to put our middle child Summer in a home for six months, so that my husband and I could recover and focus on the other children. Summer has microcephaly, a moderate intellectual disability and autism. Challenging behaviour has been part of the package.

Anxiety medication for our daughter was always a last resort, and so we thought this would be the time to try it. Better than giving her up for six months.

But another dear lady, in a two hour soul emergency phone call, urged me to rest in Jesus. She also had had an adrenal crash one year prior, and had gone deep with Jesus. I caught the vision.

I spent three days with my primary focus as sitting in my super comfy lounge recliner. Resting in Jesus. I knew I had to do this. Even if the medication helped Summer, I was too wrecked to even look after five normal kids, let alone two with special needs. I needed a personal breakthrough.

I sat in my super comfy chair and I didn’t want to get up.

OK I have to do this quick aside… It’s about the chair… In the week prior, I was watching a Facebook page where local people sell stuff, often cheap and occasionally for free. Well there was a 3 seater couch and 2 recliners up for sale. $500 cos it needed to go the next day. Originally bought for $4000. I really wanted it, to replace our uncomfortable stained 3 seater and 2 one seaters, but hey – $500 wasn’t growing on trees in our place. But then the next morning, the guy put ‘free to a good home’, cos he had to empty his place that day as he was moving. Well I was the first person to respond and boy did I write SOLD. My husband picked them up with the guys help that afternoon. And I tell you the whole thing was immaculate and the most comfortable lounge suite I have ever sat on in my life!

I can’t tell you how excited and pleased and thrilled and totally hap-hap-happy I was! Joy spilling all over. I sat in that recliner chair and I did NOT want to get up!

So… fast forward to resting in Jesus. God set me up to want to stay in that chair. So stay I did. And I sat there and thought about praying. But then I thought – no – I have to rest. Praying is work. Good work, but that’s not my job at the moment. And I didn’t want to just rest. I’ve done that a lot in the past 11 months trying to recover from the adrenal crash. I needed to rest in Jesus. How do I do that?

So I laid back in the recliner and with a sigh of relief, rested my inner being, as if I was just leaning right into Jesus. God must have given me grace to do this, because as I took on an inner posture of relief and relaxing into Jesus, I started to laugh, which made me cry. And then I laughed and cried out loud for ages. Friends of mine call this craughing! Love that word! When I stopped laughing, I would redo the relaxing in Jesus posture and it would set me off again.

When I thought to pray, it wasn’t restful, so then I would just relax into Jesus again. He became my place of rest, my place of safety and no striving and absolute freedom. No judgment, no stress, no weights. I can’t help crying writing this. It was absolutely wonderful. And my gut started to feel peaceful and rested. I don’t remember ever feeling my gut being rested. It always felt uptight. I would tell the psychologist that I’ve been seeing, since my crash last year, that I could feel constant uptightness in my gut. It wasn’t relaxing, but just a present reality that I didn’t know how to get rid of.

So then I felt immensely grateful and relieved to have this new feeling of rest deep within my gut. The best way to describe it was like having rivers of living water flowing within me. I laughed, because this is in the Bible (John 7:38). But I’d never experienced it quite like this.

Then on the third day of resting in Jesus, I hadn’t started Summer on the medication yet and I didn’t have carers helping me that afternoon or my husband. So I was bracing myself for having the five kids on my own, after a very tough prior weekend with Summer. I remember the kids all coming in the door after school and milling around. I was expecting them to bubble manically around me, but as soon as they came near, it was like they bounced into my peace and dissolved. They were calm. I watched their energy diffuse without me saying a word. The whole afternoon and evening was so much easier. I was OK. I was peaceful. I can’t tell you how good that was.

The next day I didn’t want to start Summer on the medication cos I wanted to see if this new inner peace impact could continue. My friend cautioned me not to use up all my new God energy on Summer. She wanted me to recover quicker. The next morning I woke up with clarity. I thought God will get the glory in the end. We can tackle this from a multi-faceted way. I started her on the medication, which we were told would have no positive impact until two weeks after starting. Summer has been consistently calmer for five weeks now, starting from two days before we started the medication.

Since then my peace and rest has been up and down, as I spend less time resting in Jesus. I can’t stay in the chair all day, as I have stuff that needs doing. So I am practicing negotiating the balance between resting in Jesus and also living life. I want to grow in this rest. God showed me what is possible with extra grace in those first three days and now I want to grow in this and practice it. I believe the medication is helping Summer continue this calm, while I am still practicing and it is helping her personally wherever she is.

I love how God shows me what is possible and then helps me journey to grow into it!