Tag Archives: love

Scored

Emotions, Grateful, Inspiration, Joy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Spiritual, , , , , ,

Today God has so kindly allowed me to experience more fully what it is like to LOVE my family, instead of seeking my own good. I totally suspect God did it. I know he did.

I was sitting at the table playing a game with my husband and son. I was frustrated with the noise of the younger kids, irritated by my husband’s drumming fingers and my son’s exasperated noises. I felt like I didn’t want to be with them. And then I remembered how I had been choosing love with my husband, especially in moments where I was NOT inspired. And so I decided to choose love at the table in this moment. I started thinking, what would they want right now? I decided to play quietly, to speak kindly. It was like a gentle battle, of going back to my selfish ways, then choosing love. God made it easy for me.

Then at the end of the game, which I have played hundreds of times with different people over the course of my 42 year life, something happened that had NEVER happened before. The three of us ended up with identical scores – 195 each. We were all in disbelief. My husband took a photo and texted it to my dad, who also loves the game.

Afterwards I felt that the scores were a sign. A sign related to my choosing love. By choosing love, the three of us ended up level, equal. By choosing love, I did’t stand above in pride or judgment. We ended up all winning.

As I came upstairs and sat at my desk I was full of joy. Light, refreshing joy (not happiness). It just flowed through me, effortless.

I am so grateful to God for this experience. I long to remember to live this everyday. I know I need to practice it. New things take time to learn. And I know God will continue to give me the grace to learn this. He knows how much I long to live fully from love, not self ambition.

Love, Freedom, Truth

Autism, Bible, Emotions, Freedom, God, Homosexuality, Inspiration, Joy, Love, Marriage, Mental health, Microcephaly, Parenting, Social Issues, Special Needs, Spiritual, Stress, , , , , , , ,

 

Musings mum and Summer outsideThere’s so much wrestling going on in my mind. Love, freedom, truth. Over and over.

God is love. His love is SO good. It’s beyond our human experience. The Scripture oozes with examples and direct conveyances of his love. “How wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” (Ephesians 3:18); “this love that surpasses knowledge” (Ephesians 3:19); “this is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down his life for us (1 John 3:16). Etc, etc. Just google and you will find a GOLD MINE.

It hurts to know even a smidgeon of this love, and to know that so many have ABSOLUTELY no idea of the depth and the richness and the spiritually overwhelming goodness of this. It’s actually upsetting!

And the life giving Scriptures tell us that the world will know who Jesus’ disciples are by their love for one another (John 13:35).

That one upsets me too. Even though God has placed his love in our hearts, we often do a really lousy job of conveying this love. When we are in his presence it is easy. But then we can so easily slip into our old bad habits. We get cross, we get grumpy, we are not loving. SO frustrating!!!

But then we get his love dose. And when this happens, the outcome can be amazing. We can overlook the judgments, the insults, the kids’ bad behaviour, the stress. And love conquers all. It actually does. In moments like these, our soul is deepened in God’s strength. We become mighty overcomers.

I remember when my three youngest children were milling around me in the kitchen. Summer (the one with microcephaly and autism) was agitated, Sarah was whinging. They were all noisy and demanding. I felt pulled, I felt stressed. And it was after a really stressful car trip with all five kids, having to sit next to Summer and manage her behaviour full-time for about 50 minutes. I was really stretched! I felt like I was about to snap, like a war was going on inside me. And then something rose up from deep within me. Something erupted that shocked me. A groan came from my inner being and I unleashed the words, “I LOVE YOU SUMMER!” The kids looked at me shocked. And then I swiftly moved and embraced Summer and poured out love from my heart all over her. It just oozed from every pore of my being. There was such joy and freedom. And I knew this was the place that I wanted to live life every day. I had energy to move forward. I didn’t want to escape anymore. It transformed that moment for me and the kids.

If only we could live in this zone 24/7. How different life would be! I believe God gives tastes of heaven, of his goodness of his love. And then he teaches us how to live like this more and more.

And then I think of truth. God’s truth. Not the twaddle of relativism that we’ve been spoon-fed by our culture over the last few decades. I love God’s truth. It is liberating. God’s ways are the ways of freedom. If only I could shout from the city’s billboards how amazing truth is. Some luscious Scriptures come to mind… “Jesus is the way, the truth and the life” (John 14:6); “then you will know the truth and truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

But truth on its own can often come across so weakly for those who do not agree. There is so much variety of opinion in the world, that to talk about truth from the one who made it, is not received so well. And it can come across as hateful, especially when you quote verses on homosexuality, etc. It makes me sad that what is so precious and so life-giving, can seem so corrupt. And it is not!

I wrestle with how do we present this truth. I see Christians who just tell it like it is, straight as an arrow. And I see Christians who despise this approach and emphasise the need to come from love and no judgment. I look at the Scripture and I see a loving God who is straight down the line with his speech. But he oozes love 24/7 and so when it comes, it comes from a place of love.

One thing I have learnt from being married, is that skill is important to some extent. I can learn relationship skills, I can learn better ways to phrase things so that conflict goes down better. This is hard but can be worthwhile. But what is SO much more effective is when my heart is in the right place. When I ooze God’s love and I’ve been in his presence and my heart is wanting freedom for my husband as well as myself, without condemnation or judgment or unrighteous anger, THEN IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT and it doesn’t matter how I say it, because what is read is far beyond words. Maybe not all of the time. But even if it is not received, I am still free. I am not fuming. I am full of love and joy. And it is certainly a lot easier for the other person to hear.

This seems all wonderfully ideal and there is lots of truth here. But I’m not 24/7 living out Jesus. And so I wrestle, with love, truth and freedom.

One thing I will finish with. When I have spoken hard stuff to people and it’s come from my own sense of timing, it hasn’t worked very well. I’ve not seen good fruit. But when the Holy Spirit has prompted me to speak hard stuff, and even though I’m scared I do it, it’s completely different. It’s been received, not necessarily followed, but seen as love.

At the end of the day, I conclude I trust God and I want him to grow me. And I want him to direct me. Because his way works. And mine doesn’t. And I want to speak his truth with love and power. That I hunger for so much!

I’m Ticked Off!

Angry, Emotions, Freedom, Freedom of Speech, God, Homosexuality, Social Issues, Spiritual, XXX, , , , , , , ,

angry emoticon

I’m feeling mad today. I’m feeling angry at so many lies going around, that are being chewed up and swallowed by the wider community. Lies that keep people locked in chains, that take away freedom.

For a long time I’ve felt muzzled. I’ve felt like it’s not OK for me to say what I really think. Because what I have to say in the current cultural climate and ideology is…

  1. Embarrassing
  2. Unpopular
  3. Outdated
  4. Irrelevant
  5. Bigoted
  6. Hatred

Aaaaargh!!! I’ve been tipped over the edge and now I have to SPEAK!

God is TRUE! God is LOVE!

God loves gay people. God loves transgender people. God loves politicians. God loves adulterers. God loves kind old ladies. God loves everyone!

And he is not interested in chaining people up and making their lives miserable. He is in the business of bringing freedom. Not freedom to do what one feels in the moment. But true freedom. Inner peace, inner joy, liberty of spirit and soul. What we all really LONG for!

So I’m angry. Because God is misrepresented. He is not a bigot. And true followers of his are NOT bigots! They are the biggest love balloons that the world has ever seen. And if it pops on top of you, you get a love dose! You don’t get a rifle in your face, you get LOVE. And if you have met one who is a bigot, then understand they are on a love journey. None of us are perfect, just like you!

And this God I’m talking about – he wrote the Bible. It’s his book, written through inspiration from him. Him himself! And it’s good stuff.

And the stuff in there that you think is judgment and bigotry and hatred is NOT THAT AT ALL!

I used to hear people say that when you read the Old Testament books of the prophets, that God was such an angry and vindictive God. As a teenager I read these books. All of them at once, all in a row. And I braced myself. But what I saw was not an angry and vindictive God. I saw a God that desperately loved his people SO MUCH. He kept warning them again and again and again and again to turn from living life their own way, and to turn back to HIM. He warned them of consequences if they didn’t. When they listened, he forgave them. So freely, and with so much love and joy. He’s a loving father. And when they didn’t, after immense patience – far more than I would ever have – he brought judgment.

He must have hated seeing such unnecessary suffering after bringing judgment. But he understands the bigger picture. He sees the short-term and long-term impact of living life one’s own way. He sees the inner individual devastation and he sees the wider community devastation. And he puts a stop to it. And what he does is from LOVE because that is who he is. And with our puny minds we can’t understand some of the things he does, but he GETS it. Because he is the only one that sees the bigger picture!

God wants us to walk about in FREEDOM. He has let us know very bluntly in the Bible, the things that will take away our individual and community freedom. Things like lying, stealing, murder, coveting, adultery, etc, etc. He created us and he knows what works and what doesn’t work. He knows what breaks us as individuals and what destroys communites. We need to listen to him. We need to read his Word and take it seriously.

When he writes about homosexuality being an abomination, it’s not because he’s a bigot and he hates a segment of the community. It’s because he’s the loving Creator and he knows what we are made for. He knows what is good for us. He wants us to live the richest, most fulfilling lives in love with him, in trust with him and in unity with him. It means laying down our own agendas, our own wills and trusting him. And there we find our true selves and what we have been created to be.

When we are willing to trust him with our lives, and let him work in us he can do miracles! He can do the impossible. He can take long-term feelings, addictions, thought patterns, ways of thinking, beliefs and turn them around, dissolve them and bring true freedom. Sometimes it’s overnight. Sometimes it’s over a lifetime. But we have to trust him and submit to his shaping.

Jesus came to set the oppressed free. He came to bring liberty to the captives. He gave his life away to dismantle the power of sin and Satan so we could have true freedom and union with him.

Aargh! That’s another one… I’m tired of being scared to talk about Satan. Because science has scoffed at the notion of an evil supernatural being. So believing there is a devil has vibes of anti-intellectualism and being out of date. But we are spiritual beings. Most of the planet will acknowledge this, plus the truth – yes truth – that there is a God. If there is a good God, and there is, then it is not so absurd to believe that there is an evil supernatural being.

Satan is the one that we are at war with. Not gays with Christians. Not pro-lifers versus pro-choicers. Not whatever versus whatever. Satan is at war with gays. He wants to rob them of their true selves and keep them chained up. He wants to feed them with lies that this is who they are. God is not against gays. He wants to expose Satan’s lies and show them who they really are, sons and daughters made in the image of God. He wants to teach them his ways and lead them in his paths. He wants to deliver them from their sexual bondage and bring them into their true sexual identity, as he created them to be.

I’ve had enough of the stupid rhetoric. I’ve had enough of the accusations of hatred.

When Jesus was on earth, the religious leaders brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery and demanded she be stoned. They asked Jesus about it. He said, ‘let him who is without sin cast the first stone’. Talk about the grace genius! But that wasn’t all. After the woman’s accusers all left, Jesus told the woman that he didn’t condemn her and told her to go and sin no more. He did two things. He forgave her. And he told her to stop sinning.

Same with homosexuality. Same with any sin. Jesus forgives and says, ‘go and sin no more’.

What we feel like is not necessarily good for us or society. We need to stop idolising our feelings and start paying attention to what our Creator says. He’s the only one that knows the bigger picture. He’s the only one that knows what works and what doesn’t.

One of my favourite Bible verses is in Psalm 119:45: “I will walk about in freedom for I have sought your commands”.

The Day Road Signs Excited Me

Bible, Emotions, Excited, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Joy, Love, Spiritual, , , , , ,

 

Speed Limit Sign3In my early 20s I was given the opportunity to preach at my local church. I was excited. Unlike many people who fear public speaking, I love it. I wanted to bring a good smacking sermon. Something with some punch and grit. I decided to speak on obedience.

I presented my great idea to the Holy Spirit, but felt like he said, ‘no – love and obedience’. I didn’t like that answer, so I tried again. Maybe I had heard wrong. But I got the same answer. So I let it be and kept thinking about my sermon on obedience. But I had no peace about it. I kept remembering about love and obedience. But I was miserable about this because I felt that the inclusion of love was going to make my sermon fluffy and nice, with a lack of punch. It reminded me of Sunday school and being good and being nice. All sweet, but I wanted PUNCH! To be honest, I had no heart revelation.

As time was running out I started to feel desperate. And I felt miserable. I was not passionate about the topic and I couldn’t bear to preach without being passionate. I couldn’t fake it! So I earnestly pleaded with God, ‘if you want me to preach on ‘love and obedience’ then you have to give me a revelation!’

I don’t know how much later, but I remember being in my loungeroom in front of the gas heater, in Boronia, Melbourne. I was in the presence of God. I can’t remember how it happened, but I remember that it was incredibly intense. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay in His presence forever. It was so incredibly wonderful, like nothing one can experience in any other possible way. I felt his love SO strong. This was so long ago, but I cry so much just writing this. It was so deeply profound and life changing.

The biggest thing I remember was feeling like I couldn’t wait to be tested on an area of sin, no matter how small, so I could OBEY God. Because I LOVED him! I just couldn’t wait to obey Him so I could express this LOVE. The next day I knew I would be driving to work at Northside Christian College. Haha now I remember what year it was – 2000. I couldn’t wait to get in my car and stick to the speed limit… because I LOVED GOD and I didn’t want to break the road rules – even a little bit. Normally I reluctantly kept to the speed limit, because I knew it was right – but I would push it a bit. I like a bit of adrenalin and a bit of racing and winning. So my driving was to speed off at the lights and beat the other cars, then slow down when I got just over the speed limit, cos I knew 3km over was safe to not get fined. But not this time. I was going to delight in sticking to the speed limit, finding joy in every step of the journey, every practice of patience. It was not a burden, it was an absolute joy! I can’t tell you how much I thoroughly enjoyed this.

The ecstasy of this revelation did not remain at this intense level, but dissipated to a lower level over time. But I have never ever ever forgotten this revelation. It has been written into the core of my heart. When I do what God tells me to do, it is with pleasure and trust, because I love Him. The energy to obey is so different. The gritting one’s teeth is not like it was. It can be hard, it can be tough, but when I think of who is asking, my heart is so, so much quicker to respond and with joy. I love Him so much. This changed my life and the way I view life and sin and reading the Bible. Everything!

I’m not as loving a driver as I was that first day, but I’m still long-term transformed.

Jesus said, “if you love me, keep my commands” (John 14:15) and “Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me” (John 14:21) and “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching.” (John 14:23). Jesus repeated this over and over to make sure his disciples ‘got it’.

John who recorded these words must have ‘got it’, because in his subsequent letter of 1 John, he writes “in fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,” (1 John 5:3) and then from another angle, “Those who keep his commands live in him, and he in them.” (1 John 3:24)