All posts by Kirsten Jack

The Day Road Signs Excited Me

Bible, Emotions, Excited, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Joy, Love, Spiritual, , , , , ,

 

Speed Limit Sign3In my early 20s I was given the opportunity to preach at my local church. I was excited. Unlike many people who fear public speaking, I love it. I wanted to bring a good smacking sermon. Something with some punch and grit. I decided to speak on obedience.

I presented my great idea to the Holy Spirit, but felt like he said, ‘no – love and obedience’. I didn’t like that answer, so I tried again. Maybe I had heard wrong. But I got the same answer. So I let it be and kept thinking about my sermon on obedience. But I had no peace about it. I kept remembering about love and obedience. But I was miserable about this because I felt that the inclusion of love was going to make my sermon fluffy and nice, with a lack of punch. It reminded me of Sunday school and being good and being nice. All sweet, but I wanted PUNCH! To be honest, I had no heart revelation.

As time was running out I started to feel desperate. And I felt miserable. I was not passionate about the topic and I couldn’t bear to preach without being passionate. I couldn’t fake it! So I earnestly pleaded with God, ‘if you want me to preach on ‘love and obedience’ then you have to give me a revelation!’

I don’t know how much later, but I remember being in my loungeroom in front of the gas heater, in Boronia, Melbourne. I was in the presence of God. I can’t remember how it happened, but I remember that it was incredibly intense. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay in His presence forever. It was so incredibly wonderful, like nothing one can experience in any other possible way. I felt his love SO strong. This was so long ago, but I cry so much just writing this. It was so deeply profound and life changing.

The biggest thing I remember was feeling like I couldn’t wait to be tested on an area of sin, no matter how small, so I could OBEY God. Because I LOVED him! I just couldn’t wait to obey Him so I could express this LOVE. The next day I knew I would be driving to work at Northside Christian College. Haha now I remember what year it was – 2000. I couldn’t wait to get in my car and stick to the speed limit… because I LOVED GOD and I didn’t want to break the road rules – even a little bit. Normally I reluctantly kept to the speed limit, because I knew it was right – but I would push it a bit. I like a bit of adrenalin and a bit of racing and winning. So my driving was to speed off at the lights and beat the other cars, then slow down when I got just over the speed limit, cos I knew 3km over was safe to not get fined. But not this time. I was going to delight in sticking to the speed limit, finding joy in every step of the journey, every practice of patience. It was not a burden, it was an absolute joy! I can’t tell you how much I thoroughly enjoyed this.

The ecstasy of this revelation did not remain at this intense level, but dissipated to a lower level over time. But I have never ever ever forgotten this revelation. It has been written into the core of my heart. When I do what God tells me to do, it is with pleasure and trust, because I love Him. The energy to obey is so different. The gritting one’s teeth is not like it was. It can be hard, it can be tough, but when I think of who is asking, my heart is so, so much quicker to respond and with joy. I love Him so much. This changed my life and the way I view life and sin and reading the Bible. Everything!

I’m not as loving a driver as I was that first day, but I’m still long-term transformed.

Jesus said, “if you love me, keep my commands” (John 14:15) and “Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me” (John 14:21) and “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching.” (John 14:23). Jesus repeated this over and over to make sure his disciples ‘got it’.

John who recorded these words must have ‘got it’, because in his subsequent letter of 1 John, he writes “in fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,” (1 John 5:3) and then from another angle, “Those who keep his commands live in him, and he in them.” (1 John 3:24)

My Red Chair

Emotions, Excited, Grateful, Joy, Twaddle, , , , ,

Red chair!!

I used to have a black chair in my office and it was OK. No emotional stirrings, just functional. Yep. Life goes on without your preferred colour.

Then one day something exciting happened. I was on my local community Facebook page and there it was! An ad wanting to give away two desk chairs FOR FREE! And one of them was RED! Super excited I typed in SOLD and hoped for the best. I knew there were a few very small imperfections where the arms had been grazed, but hoping everything else was OK.

I picked it up and brought this beauty home and boy was I happy!

I have a RED office chair. Revolves and wheels perfectly and comfortable. And did I say IT’s RED!!!! I don’t know if you’ve picked this up yet, but I particularly like RED! Especially red coats and red hats and red bags. Not too much – I do appreciate other colours. It’s just one that features in my wardrobe as it generally suits my complexion. And it’s BOLD and FUN and RED!

Every time I glance in my office now, I have a sudden happy feeling, a rush of mild endorphins, a feeling of gratefulness and satisfaction. God gets the kudos for this one. I know he knew I wanted it. He organised it. Don’t care if you disagree. I’m giving him the credit!

And oh – I nearly forgot. A red chair deserves to be sat in by a person wearing a red jacket! C’mon, this is the look people! Such fun!

Kirsten red chair!

My Happy Place

Anxiety, Autism, Emotions, Exhaustion, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Joy, Mental health, Microcephaly, Peace, Special Needs, , , , , , , , ,

Rest chairThe stress and exhaustion got to the point, where wise advice from someone really close, was to put our middle child Summer in a home for six months, so that my husband and I could recover and focus on the other children. Summer has microcephaly, a moderate intellectual disability and autism. Challenging behaviour has been part of the package.

Anxiety medication for our daughter was always a last resort, and so we thought this would be the time to try it. Better than giving her up for six months.

But another dear lady, in a two hour soul emergency phone call, urged me to rest in Jesus. She also had had an adrenal crash one year prior, and had gone deep with Jesus. I caught the vision.

I spent three days with my primary focus as sitting in my super comfy lounge recliner. Resting in Jesus. I knew I had to do this. Even if the medication helped Summer, I was too wrecked to even look after five normal kids, let alone two with special needs. I needed a personal breakthrough.

I sat in my super comfy chair and I didn’t want to get up.

OK I have to do this quick aside… It’s about the chair… In the week prior, I was watching a Facebook page where local people sell stuff, often cheap and occasionally for free. Well there was a 3 seater couch and 2 recliners up for sale. $500 cos it needed to go the next day. Originally bought for $4000. I really wanted it, to replace our uncomfortable stained 3 seater and 2 one seaters, but hey – $500 wasn’t growing on trees in our place. But then the next morning, the guy put ‘free to a good home’, cos he had to empty his place that day as he was moving. Well I was the first person to respond and boy did I write SOLD. My husband picked them up with the guys help that afternoon. And I tell you the whole thing was immaculate and the most comfortable lounge suite I have ever sat on in my life!

I can’t tell you how excited and pleased and thrilled and totally hap-hap-happy I was! Joy spilling all over. I sat in that recliner chair and I did NOT want to get up!

So… fast forward to resting in Jesus. God set me up to want to stay in that chair. So stay I did. And I sat there and thought about praying. But then I thought – no – I have to rest. Praying is work. Good work, but that’s not my job at the moment. And I didn’t want to just rest. I’ve done that a lot in the past 11 months trying to recover from the adrenal crash. I needed to rest in Jesus. How do I do that?

So I laid back in the recliner and with a sigh of relief, rested my inner being, as if I was just leaning right into Jesus. God must have given me grace to do this, because as I took on an inner posture of relief and relaxing into Jesus, I started to laugh, which made me cry. And then I laughed and cried out loud for ages. Friends of mine call this craughing! Love that word! When I stopped laughing, I would redo the relaxing in Jesus posture and it would set me off again.

When I thought to pray, it wasn’t restful, so then I would just relax into Jesus again. He became my place of rest, my place of safety and no striving and absolute freedom. No judgment, no stress, no weights. I can’t help crying writing this. It was absolutely wonderful. And my gut started to feel peaceful and rested. I don’t remember ever feeling my gut being rested. It always felt uptight. I would tell the psychologist that I’ve been seeing, since my crash last year, that I could feel constant uptightness in my gut. It wasn’t relaxing, but just a present reality that I didn’t know how to get rid of.

So then I felt immensely grateful and relieved to have this new feeling of rest deep within my gut. The best way to describe it was like having rivers of living water flowing within me. I laughed, because this is in the Bible (John 7:38). But I’d never experienced it quite like this.

Then on the third day of resting in Jesus, I hadn’t started Summer on the medication yet and I didn’t have carers helping me that afternoon or my husband. So I was bracing myself for having the five kids on my own, after a very tough prior weekend with Summer. I remember the kids all coming in the door after school and milling around. I was expecting them to bubble manically around me, but as soon as they came near, it was like they bounced into my peace and dissolved. They were calm. I watched their energy diffuse without me saying a word. The whole afternoon and evening was so much easier. I was OK. I was peaceful. I can’t tell you how good that was.

The next day I didn’t want to start Summer on the medication cos I wanted to see if this new inner peace impact could continue. My friend cautioned me not to use up all my new God energy on Summer. She wanted me to recover quicker. The next morning I woke up with clarity. I thought God will get the glory in the end. We can tackle this from a multi-faceted way. I started her on the medication, which we were told would have no positive impact until two weeks after starting. Summer has been consistently calmer for five weeks now, starting from two days before we started the medication.

Since then my peace and rest has been up and down, as I spend less time resting in Jesus. I can’t stay in the chair all day, as I have stuff that needs doing. So I am practicing negotiating the balance between resting in Jesus and also living life. I want to grow in this rest. God showed me what is possible with extra grace in those first three days and now I want to grow in this and practice it. I believe the medication is helping Summer continue this calm, while I am still practicing and it is helping her personally wherever she is.

I love how God shows me what is possible and then helps me journey to grow into it!

Tithing is Fun

Autism, Bible, Church, Freedom, God, Joy, Microcephaly, Out of the box, Parenting, Special Needs, , ,

Tithe party me M SI love paying tithes! You can probably guess two of my reasons. But the third might be a bit of a shock…

(For those who don’t know what tithing is – it is setting aside 10% of one’s income for God).

  1. I love God and want to put him first in every area of my life. It would be miserable to hold the area of finances back. I would feel like I wasn’t trusting God or honouring him. He’s so precious it is a joy to put him first. And tithing is a tangible way to express that. One that costs. One that is a sacrifice.
  1. I like giving tithes to the church because it is my local spiritual home. So I help pay the bills. There’s a sense of honour and rightness in this. A sense of being an adult and taking responsibility. I like being this kind of person.
  1. He he he this is the funny one. I also use tithes to have a party! Now I need to establish some context here…

One of my passions is to know God’s ways and walk in them. I read the Bible with eyes that seek to discern his ways and his heart, even if it seems to contradict the traditions I have been taught. Some times I spot things in the Bible that seem controversial because of the cultural or religious parameters I currently experience. I meditate on such Scriptures, trying to discern the difference between God’s thinking and ours, and what needs to change. Even Old Testament passages on laws that no longer apply in New Testament times, give me insight into how God thinks, what he values and what works.

Well I found a passage on tithing that really got me thinking. Have a squiz…

Deuteronomy 14:22-28:

“Be sure to set aside a tenth of all that your fields produce each year. Eat the tithe of your grain, new wine and olive oil, and the firstborn of your herds and flocks in the presence of the Lord your God at the place he will choose as a dwelling for his Name, so that you may learn to revere the Lord your God always.  But if that place is too distant and you have been blessed by the Lord your God and cannot carry your tithe (because the place where the Lord will choose to put his Name is so far away), then exchange your tithe for silver, and take the silver with you and go to the place the Lord your God will choose.  Use the silver to buy whatever you like: cattle, sheep, wine or other fermented drink, or anything you wish. Then you and your household shall eat there in the presence of the Lord your God and rejoice.  And do not neglect the Levites living in your towns, for they have no allotment or inheritance of their own.

At the end of every three years, bring all the tithes of that year’s produce and store it in your towns, so that the Levites (who have no allotment or inheritance of their own) and the foreigners, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied, and so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands.”

I have to admit. This one baffled me, as I’ve never heard it taught before. I’d only ever heard of people paying tithes to the church, or some people would give tithes to charities or missionaries. But here in Scripture the people were instructed to eat their tithes, to have a party, a celebration. And no small celebration at that. A whole year’s worth of tithes!!! And they all did this it seems at the same place and at the same time. What a ginormous incredible lavish celebration this would have been! But God didn’t want to leave out the religious leaders (Levites) – they got to celebrate too. And of course every third year, the tithe went to providing for the religious leaders and the needy.

But the primary purpose of the tithe seemed to be for feasting and rejoicing in God’s presence, with the whole community, to teach them to revere the Lord always.

How incredibly exciting. A party of epic proportions. Wow!!!

This was doing my head in. I was thinking. What does this say about God? What was he aiming to achieve in this, that can teach us practical wisdom for now? What benefits are we missing out on by not doing this today? Here is my thought journey…

  1. Shock! Imagine spending the tithes on yourself. Is that allowed? It feels sacrilegious. But it’s in the Bible (God’s idea).
  2. Shock! Imagine spending the tithes on food and drink which won’t last. Here today, gone tomorrow. Is that wise use of funds? Wasteful? But it’s in the Bible (God’s idea).
  3. Shock! But then the church wouldn’t get enough money. They need money to operate. I share in this responsibility. (Yes! God covered this every third year, it’s included. More on my personal response later).
  4. What’s God trying to achieve? What would be the benefits of doing this?
    • God is put first, he’s the focus, he’s revered, he’s obeyed (same as for current tithing).
    • Celebration and rejoicing is extremely important for the health of a community, and even the mental health of individuals.
    • The lavish, generous spread of food and drink speaks of a lavish and generous of God. We participate in his nature. (I think it will be like this in heaven).
    • It shows other nations how blessed God’s people are, that they can celebrate in such happy and lavish fashion.
    • It gives children a really positive view of God as generous, as provider, as someone to be excited about. Parties and food and excitement speak volumes to kids.
    • Being a follower of God is not seen as boring. Followers are not seen as dry or stingy.
    • It sets an example of generosity and freedom and celebration. It builds these things into the culture.
  5. I honestly felt the Holy Spirits’ excitement when exploring this. I felt his joy and his delight in my awakening and his desire for me and my family to experience this.

But… my heart is also to share financial responsibility for my local church home, as expressed in point number one at the top. I value this and consider it very important and necessary.

So I talked with my husband and we decided to continue our current level of tithing to our local church. And any additional income we received, we would put aside a tithe for an annual celebration before God. Again I really felt the Holy Spirit’s pleasure and excitement for this.

So last November, our family of seven had its first tithe celebration. Now this was an event!­­ We have never taken the whole family out to a restaurant before. One, it’s too hard with our middle child who has microcephaly and autism. And two, I hate wasting money, especially as we’re not loaded. My husband and I rarely go to restaurants for this reason, so I couldn’t fathom paying not only for the two of us, but then pay for five kids as well!!! Yes, I know – stingy mentality!

So this was a Jack family first!!! And we had to find a way to make it work for our special needs daughter, or it would be a disaster. With this in mind we chose an international all you can eat buffet restaurant. This was not only perfect for lavish celebration – food everywhere and as much as you want. But it was also conducive for our middle child Summer – she could wander around and be a yo-yo at the table, and it wouldn’t matter. I invited the Oma too, so she could look out for Summer so we could all relax.

I’m telling you, the kids were beside themselves with excitement. When I first told them what we were going to do, they were counting down, they were telling their friends. They couldn’t wait. And I read the Scripture, I told them we were celebrating before God, that we were so grateful for his provision. Wow. Look how much God has blessed us, that we can have this lavish feast!!!

We were all agog at the table when we sat down to lunch. We said grace and then we went for it! I was going to advise the kids to have savoury first, but then I thought – what the heck – let the kids have whatever they want and as much as they want. Well, little five year old Micah went straight for the marshmallows and lollies. He awed at the chocolate fondue fountain. The dessert bar got lots of visits from him and the older two. Summer and Sarah, our two special needs girls were very happy too, but perhaps a little overwhelmed. They ate a bit, but needed helping. Summer went wandering around the Christmas tree that was up already one month before Christmas. She did laps. But nobody minded.

We had such joy! And there was no stress about the bill!! Hahahahahahahahahaha! Oh the joy!

I’m telling you. I was so grateful to God for this experience. I’m crying as I’m writing. I felt such freedom and joy and marvel at how amazing, big, out of this world God is.

The kids have been asking when the next celebration is. They want it twice a year. I’ve put it in the diary as an annual event. They have to wait. Next time I want to make a week of it! Glory to God!!!

Tithe party Kiara Sarah
Beautiful Kiara and Sarah enjoying the celebration!

 

Tithe party Josiah Kristin
Josiah and my hunky husband, Kristin!
Tithe party Summer Oma
The Oma and little Miss Summer!

 

 

Mighty Micah and the cheese bread

The Best Time for Sex is…

XXX, , , , , ,

Gone to lunch2

C’mon married peoples with kids. The best time for sex is after lunch. There I’ve said it!

Late afternoon and evening it’s all about the kids, dinner and household jobs. I feel like writing a long ‘to do’ list to boast how involved it is, but all you parents out there already know. And everyone else will be bored, so I’ll spare you. Suffice to say that come 8pm, the couch is looking pretty cosy for one person and one person alone, with a good dose of silence, or headphones if the older kids are still around. It takes a while to come down from all the hullabaloo. Then if you’re lucky enough to have timeout, rather than doing more work while you’re kid free, unfortunately it doesn’t last forever. 9:30pm and it’s time to start the before bed ‘to do’ list. The husband’s list is pretty easy – hop into bed. The wives know that their list is long – you’ve probably read it before on an internet meme – so I won’t bore you. Then 10pm comes and you really need to go to sleep, cos it’s up at 6:30am and you need all the sleep you can get.

Sleep is looking good. Just one problem… Sharing the same bed with your other half lends itself to snuggles, and snuggles lend themselves to… um… yes, well there’s lots of things that can happen after snuggles. Sometimes the energy rises to the occasion and sometimes it doesn’t. We could call that one sleepy sex. But as my husband says, even bad sex is good sex.

But if one doesn’t want to live in sleepy sex land for one’s entire child raising season, then I vote for ‘after lunch sex’. Surprise dates during the week are awesome. Lunchtime trysts during a work week. Or weekend creativity. Our kids call it DVD time, we call it something else… Win win!!!

Microcephaly Musings

Autism, Microcephaly, Parenting, Special Needs, , , ,
Summer, Sarah and companion dog Rupert!

My husband and I have five children, two with microcephaly (both girls).

I’m finding myself grateful today that one of the girls is partially toilet trained. At seven years of age, that’s definitely behind the average, but she’s still ahead of her nine year old sister. The reason I’m glad is because she really knows how to do number two. I’m telling you that it’s a myth that we all poo once a day. No siree. It can be many, many times. And it’s not fun cleaning that up for a seven or nine year old. My close friend said to me one day after cleaning an accident that she will never ever complain about having to change kitty litter ever again. I’m telling you – I am a blessing to my friends!

You get to learn lots of patience in our household. I get to practice saying the same instructions, not just once or twice but over and over again. ‘Let’s put your shoes on. C’mon Summer time to put your shoes on. Look, here are your shoes. Look – pink shoes. Shoes make your feet warm. Let’s put your shoes on. We need shoes to keep our feet safe. Shoes on. C’mon. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes on.’ And I get to hear responses over and over again. It’s fun to hear how a toy is blue. Blue. Blue. (Yes, it’s blue). Blue. Blue. (Yes, blue). Blue. Blue. We get plenty of time to learn things and practice things, especially patience. Then it’s even more fun when the five year old starts complaining about the repetition and having a meltdown, which causes the nine year old to have a meltdown, which involves a punch to the seven year old, which sets her off too. Then the eleven year old yells at them to quiet down, which helps SO much. And thankfully the thirteen year old is in her room reading. Meanwhile mum is wearing headphones which helps her stay in happy land a little longer.

My friends laugh at me for my ‘calm’ voice. I hold it together, keeping the atmosphere smooth, ‘Summer, it’s breakfast time. That’s OK you don’t have to have porridge. You want yoghurt, sure. Here’s your yoghurt. You don’t want it. No problem. Don’t push it. Gentle with the plate. It’s OK. You’re a blessing Summer. Mummy loves you.’ It’s all calm, no pushing angry buttons here. I’ve learnt from experience. Until the eleven year old whinges and I’m like, ‘Be quiet’ (yelling). All in a split second, the façade drops. And then it’s (calmly) – ‘Summer you want yoghurt now. Good girl. Lovely eating. You don’t want it now. That’s OK. Don’t feed the dog. Sit down.’

I think our household would make excellent reality TV show viewing. Parents could all feel better about themselves and better about their challenges.

In the early days I read that kids with microcephaly are often very smiley and affectionate. Tick tick for our girls. Summer is so expressive with her love. She looks you in the eyes, she says ‘I love you mummy’ and sits on your lap and cuddles for ages. She strokes my head or my back. When I cry she wipes my tears and I get ministered to from her hugs. She has a gift that I can’t really comprehend, but I have been emotionally filled up on many occasions. Others have said the same. Once my husband took her to the supermarket and she saw a homeless man outside. She went up to him and gave him a hug. The man looked a little uncertain, but my husband nodded OK. Later after doing the shopping, she saw the man again and smiled. The man thanked my husband profusely saying it was such a long time since he had been hugged by a child. So innocent. So beautiful. I’m amazed at the gift she is.

Sarah is just such a sweety. I feel like I’m holding a rose and breathing in a beautiful fragrance. She giggles and smiles constantly. She’s naughty too and finds it funny. I’m not sure if developmentally she really understands yet. I can get so frustrated but she just smiles and giggles and says ha-ha in that annoying sing song fashion. She picked that up somewhere and hasn’t let it go. She’s more shy than Summer, but she’s got no problems with volume. Being the number four child, I think she learnt to shout instead of speak.

That’s enough musings for today. More another time…